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In Arizona, Destinations, France, United States on
April 25, 2019

Travel is the Vehicle that Connects Past, Present, and Future

Black Arizona landforms against a vibrant, flaming sunset

A 5 minute read

While road tripping in 2016 to complete my “All 50 States” tour, I pulled over along a desolate highway. The sunset views against Arizona’s Painted Desert deserved so much more than a passing glance as I drove through. I got out of my car and stood amidst absolute, complete silence and watched nature take place.

I’d never seen anything like it. Iridescence cascaded into/like an overture/coloratura across the sky.  The sun painted murals on rock formations. Fallen, petrified trees from the late Triassic period, 225 million years ago interspersed throughout the barren landscapes soon gave way to majestic silhouettes accented by stars that seemed close enough to pull right out of the sky.

There I stood, somewhere between, “the bright blessed day and dark sacred night” that inspired Armstrong’s crooning and led him to rejoice, “What a wonderful world.” Wonderful world, indeed.

Engulfed in awe of the creator’s innovation, my heart overflowed with gratitude that the composer saw fit to share this masterpiece with me.
At the moment, an elucidation that captured this experience from Forest Gump, long buried in the depths of my mind, rose to the surface, “In the desert, when the sun comes up, I couldn’t tell where heaven stopped, and Earth began. It was so beautiful.” At this moment, I too struggled to distinguish Heaven from Earth. For the first time, I understood.

Surrounded by both vast nothingness and the density of significance at once, all of the people I love came to mind. I wanted them to have a moment like this. I wished they could witness this. I craved for them to feel all of this.  

desert sunrise with beautiful artistic hues of pinks, purples, and blues.
                       I want you to know how these colors feel.

I view the world through a historical lens. Whereas an engineer may look at something and ask how it works, I look for clues left by previous generations to learn the story of why and document to provide clues for the next.  I travel in order to cover as much ground as possible to increase the probability that I trace the steps of my progenitors but also, lay a path for descendants.  I try to have many unique experiences so when others experience the same, it bridges a gap of understanding in a way that it couldn’t by being explained.

For example, I grew up in a military family. Saturday mornings often started with a G.I. Party (the military community knows, this is not an exciting event) and getting ready for school came with the expectation that it only takes three minutes to do the  Three S’s. After 22 years of growing up in that environment, it wasn’t until I experienced military training for myself that I learned it is indeed possible to get ready in three minutes (which is 90 seconds more than what’s actually needed).  That experience helps me relate to every American warfighter that has come before me in a way I couldn’t before.  Visiting Charleston, I was filled with an enormous sense of family connection. Although I don’t know for sure, the statistics make it highly probable that someone from my family’s past walked the same streets centuries before. Even after reading Little Women multiple times and watching both versions of the movie, it wasn’t until visiting the March family home, Orchard House, in Concord, Mass that I felt that I really got to know the family.  Tracing the steps of James Baldwin, Richard Wright, and Lois Mailou Jones in Paris’ Latin Quarter helps to understand their muses and inspires creativity of one’s own. The same goes for visiting the homes and frequented localities of all historical figures. It gives a snapshot of the surroundings of the historical figure, how they lived, and what influenced their thoughts. It helps to understand how they worked through some of their decisions and thought processes. I know, from visiting the Kennedy Library and Museum that Jacqueline took a cruise to Paris with friends while in college and it was the best year of her life. But I don’t know any such information about anyone in my family.

I’d like to able to know and connect with my family in the same way, but so much of my family’s history went undocumented. I do have some say over the documentation prepared for the future of my family to be able to know and connect in the same way that I do historical figures.

So I travel. I do things. I search out a diversity of experiences, not only so I can find some commonality with people I come in contact with today, and so I can relate to people of yesteryear, but also for those who come next will be able to identify with me in some way.

Regardless of France’s past and current transgressions as colonizers, and irrespective of the more impactful uses of contribution money, Notre Dame’s burning is a loss.  The losses of St Mary Baptist, Greater Union Baptist, and Mount Pleasant Baptist in Louisiana and the several mosques also burning at the same time does not detract from the loss of this Catholic Church in France. It is a loss of history — literary history, architectural history, religious history, cultural history, and personal history. And it is a loss of a future. Three generations of women in my family explored this site together during a wonderful summer trip, and now, our future generations will not see it as we saw it.

The backs of a small crowd watch Notre Dame durn from afar on a hill.
I can only imagine what it would be like: To be going about my day, look up, and see the smoke, then realize it’s Notre Dame burning.

In the wake of the devasting fire to Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral, social media users flooded their timelines with the nostalgia of Paris vacations.  Criticisms grew that this act was merely bragging.  When we grieve the loss of a pet, it is common to remember by showing pictures of the memories with them. When we mourn the loss of a loved one, we do the same thing. When a home full of warm memories is lost, we often use pictures to help us remember those memories and grieve. And in the most heartbreaking occasions, when a dream is lost, one of the ways we grieve is by looking at pictures of that dream.  Have we gotten so cynical and disconnected from humanity that we confuse the human emotion of grief for bragging? And really, isn’t that the central focus on social media? A platform to draw attention to yourself?

The places we travel become the setting for the story of our lives.  Perhaps, my progeny won’t give their ancestors a second thought, but at least if they do, the more places I travel, the easier it will become for those who come after me to visit and find a connection if they so wished. When they find themselves randomly out in the middle of the desert, witnessing all its glory, and they’re longing for someone to share it with, they’ll know they had an adventurous ancestor who sent everywhere and saw everything and likely witnessed it and felt the same way too.  Perhaps, if the Earth is still around, four generations from now,  my offspring will visit France’s capital. Perhaps they’ll respond just like me and marvel at finally witnessing the architecture discussed in classes first hand. Perhaps they’ll be like some of my travel companions and be underwhelmed.  Perhaps, if it is rebuilt, they’ll climb the tower. Perhaps if restored properly, they won’t have to climb the steps and take the elevator instead. Maybe my future offspring will see the cathedral for the first time with friends. Perhaps they’ll make their mark on eternity and get engaged right next to the Charlemagne statute, under the shade of the trees.  At the very least, perhaps those scions will at least have the primary source document that shows four generations of women in their family have gone to Paris, strolled the narrow alleyways, delighted in the cuisine, and had their picture taken in front of La Cathédrale Notre-Dame de Paris.

In Kentucky, Uncategorized on
March 30, 2019

Kentucky is Southern, Through and Through

One surefire way to pick a fight with a Kentuckian is to try to explain that she is somehow less southern than the rest of The South. Kentuckians are some of the most conscientiously southern folks you’ll ever meet. We are passionately southern. Anyone trying to classify a Kentuckian as anything other than southern is simply lacking good judgment. So, I’m going to speak my piece and be done with the topic.

A wall of bourbon barrels lids on display on a grey brick wall at a shop in the Louisville, Kentucky Airport.
Kentucky supplies 95% of the world’s bourbon supply. If it’s not Kentucky, it’s not bourbon.

A Matter Of Geography

The first argument folks will try to use against Kentucky is geography. One’s location relative to the Mason-Dixon is the single qualification required for the geography of The South. The entire commonwealth of Kentucky falls south of the Mason-Dixon Line. But just in case that wasn’t evidence enough, geographically, Kentucky extends further south than some towns in Tennessee (i.e., Fulton, Kentucky is more geographically southern than Clarksville, Tennessee). Kentucky extends further south than Virginia.

In all the time I’ve spent as a southerner in New England, I have yet to see any streets named Dixie north of the Mason-Dixon. Dixie derives from the French word for ten as French Franks were being used as currency in the south. This photo was taken in Elizabethtown, Kentucky.

If Kentucky isn’t southern what else could it be? It sure isn’t geographically north. Some may offer the Midwest as an acceptable region but what is Kentucky west of other than Virginia and the Atlantic Ocean? Kentucky is one state removed from the nation’s Eastern border. You can’t get more east than Kentucky unless you’re Virginia…or West Virginia. You’d be hard-pressed convincing anyone that Mississippi, Tennessee, Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana aren’t southern states yet they’re all more west of the Bluegrass. Kentucky clearly isn’t West enough to be considered West in any form.
Florida is geographically southern, but we all know, the further south you travel in Florida, the less Southern you get. The majority of Floridians do not consider themselves southern and southern folks don’t accept most of them as southern. Southerners will ask from what part of Florida a person is from to really get a feel of how southern they are.

One of my favorite Kentucky signs of welcome. Courtesy of the happy people of Ohio County.

Kentucky is Southern In Culture

At any rate, any southerner worth the butter in their grits will tell you that Southern-ness encompasses more than residing in a particular geographic region. Southern is culture. Southern is a state of mind.

Culture includes all the features of everyday existence; culture consists of beliefs, rituals, behavior, religion, food, arts, attitudes, language, and customs. When it comes to Southern Culture, Kentucky values remain consistent with the south’s.

Photo from the KFC in the Louisville Airport.

Kentucky food, with our preference toward all things fried or barbecued, is super southern. Our tea, sweeter than the belles who make it, is undeniably southern. The way we talk, with both a slow drawl and an Appalachian twang and the euphemisms we use, can be found only south of the Mason Dixon. Our rituals and customs can be observed every Saturday in the fall. You’ll find Kentucky belles in sundresses at tailgates, and we tailgate for everything from football to horse races. Debutant balls and cotillions are not foreign to Kentuckians in this day in age. Dang near all of us Kentucky belles have a tiara, sash, and some type of title stashed away from our youth. All of this pomp and circumstance is predicated on the value of marrying well and starting a southern family. The way Kentucky approaches every phase of life, from birth to death is quintessentially southern in practice. I’ve traveled to every state in the union. Therefore, I’m well aware that the South, including Kentucky, seems to be the only region where strangers pay their respects to the bereaved by pulling over on the side of the road. Kentucky is a red state like the rest of the south showing exactly where its political values stand.

A Common History

A center point of southern culture is its adherence to tradition and history. Regardless if it makes you proud or ashamed, history is the immutable tie that binds Kentucky to the rest of the south.

Old fashioned row of shop and restauraunts in a small town Kentucky downtown
The charming downtown of my hometown.

Kentucky has been southern since 1792. As the first southern state admitted after the independence of America, Kentucky has been southern long before the Louisiana Purchase welcomed eight out of 13 southern states.

In addition to its longevity, both the president of the Confederate States and the United States during the civil war came from Kentucky…born 100 miles or so apart. A state’s relationship with the south during the time of the Civil War is really the determining factor of its legitimacy within the region. Kentucky straddled the fence during the War Between The States— wanting to remain one nation but maintain the institution of slavery too. After emancipation, Kentucky took on a more fervently southern identity. It clings to the “Just Cause” propaganda that is still taught in Kentucky Schools. Kentucky erected so many confederate statues it would be a wonder if any Kentuckian has ever seen a Union monument. It’s not uncommon for Kentucky folks to be able to look in their backyards and around their neighborhoods and be in a Civil War battleground or confederate grave yard. Now, what Northerner or Midwesterner can say the same?

My Old Kentucky Home: The Musical performed every summer in Bardstown, Kentucky.
Reenacting the antebellum period is a Southern Pastime.

Kentucky has Southern Street Cred (We’re Backwoods Legit)

Besides, the SEC college sports conference and Southern Living Magazine recognizes Kentucky as southern. I’d say that’s confirmation enough. So with geography, history, and culture firmly planted in the south, there’s just no use in trying to dissociate Kentucky from its Southernness.

Every southern state boasts its own unique personality. Louisiana showcases its French and Creole heritage. The low country of South Carolina intertwines hospitality into its fabric. Cattle ranching culture plays a significant role in Texas’ notable style. We’ve got mountain states, cotton states, and sugar cane state(s) all of which provide a distinction from rest of the southern states. Like members of a family, each individual has a unique identity, but their kinship binds them all together. Kentuckians hold a kinship to other southerners that they don’t have with any other region of the US. Maybe it’s the accent. Perhaps it’s the menus we are nourished by or the behaviors we instill in our offspring regardless of where we raise them. I believe our way of living, colloquialisms, and fundamental reputation make Kentucky, without a doubt, southern through and through. Upper south or mid-south, yes, but entirely south nevertheless. And if you refuse to believe that well, bless your sweet little heart, you can just kiss my Kentucky bluegrass!

The farm of my childhood friend’s parents in Yellow Creek, Kentucky.
In GloBelle Kitchen, Kentucky on
March 15, 2019

CLASSIC KENTUCKY HOT BROWN

Close up of cheesy goodness, open face turkey, cheese, tomato, and bacon sandwich

During winters in New England when the cabin fever sets in, it’s easy to fall into a state of nostalgia for my far away former Kentucky home. Some guides encourage reaching for a host of remedies to cure the homesickness disease. Photo albums, making phone calls, or working out are just a few suggestions. I find, when I’m missing Kentucky, nothing fights homesickness better than good ol’ comfort food seasoned with warm memories.
That said, here’s a recipe that is sure to word off any homesickness Kentuckians living away from home may be feeling this winter, the classic Kentucky Hot Brown.

During winters in New England when the cabin fever sets in, it’s easy to fall into a state of nostalgia. Some guides encourage reaching for host of remedies to cure the homesickness affliction. I find, when I’m missing Kentucky, nothing fights homesickness better than good ol’ comfort food seasoned with warm memories.  Here in Boston, southerners have to make their own comfort foods because stores around here do not sell southern staples like sweet tea and sweet potato pie pre-made.

CLASSIC HOT BROWN INGREDIENTS
Makes Two Hot Browns

• 2 sticks (one cup) Butter
• ¼ cup (2 oz.) All-Purpose Flour
• 1 cup (8 oz.) Heavy Cream
• ½ Cup of Pecorino Romano Cheese
• Bourbon (enough or none at all) *
• ¼ pound thick sliced roasted turkey breast
• French bread/baguette
• 4 Slices of crispy smoked pepper bacon
• 2 Roma tomatoes
• Paprika
• Parsley
• Salt and Pepper

PREP

Select a thick, flavorful cut of turkey from your butcher or local deli. I chose pepper-maple turkey. And since it’s just me, a ¼ pound slice was perfect. Soak the turkey in enough* bourbon to cover overnight (or three hours or more). 

Select a quality, think chunk of turkey from your local deli.

For the Sauce

While making the sauce, bake the turkey in the bourbon at 300 degrees.

In a saucepan, melt butter over medium heat and slowly whisk in flour until combined and forms a thick paste (roux). Continue to cook the roux, stirring frequently. Then add heavy cream into the roux and whisk until the cream begins to simmer (about 2‑3 minutes). Slowly whisk in Pecorino Romano Cheese until the sauce is smooth. Keep warm and add salt and pepper to taste.

Assembling the Sandwich

Slice the French bread in half and into sandwich sized slices. These will make two open-faced sandwiches.

Next, lightly toast the top of the French bread. I broiled it in a cast iron dish for this. You can also use Pyrex or a backing dish in a toaster oven.

After that, layer the toast with your warm bourbon baked turkey.

Then, pour the cheese sauce completely over the sandwich.

Next, top with tomatoes (where the tomatoes go in the equation is debatable. Some like it under the cheese, I like it on top so it boils).

Almost finished. Just broil this before adding the toppers.

Sprinkle with additional Pecorino Romano cheese.

Place the entire dish under a broiler until cheese begins to brown and bubble.

While it broils, fry your bacon.

Remove the dish from broiler, cross two pieces of crispy bacon on top.

Garnish with paprika, parsley, or cheese and serve immediately while hot.

Now, sit back in your reading chair with your bubbling Kentucky sandwich, a copper cup of bourbon apple cider, recall the history of the Hot Brown and dial (855) 883-8663 to hear our state song sang by the former governor, Happy Chandler.

Tale in all of this cheesy, turkey, bacon, and tomato goodness while you remember home.

Disclaimers:

Yes, I also recognize dang near all of my recipes call for bourbon which can be habit-forming for some. It’s a non-essential ingredient in most recipes. Just take it out if you need to. 

*Take a peep here to understand my views on being precise with measurements in recipes and why I intentionally don’t do it.

I’m also aware of Happy Chandler’s problematic statements and views. Someone with a beautiful singing voice should record the song to give us more listening options.

In Ecuador on
March 9, 2019

Sharing The Beach

An aquadic iguana rests on a rock just out of the Ocean in Ecuador.

“Dear God, they can swim!”

I screamed and almost drowned myself.

Anyone who knows me knows I am not particularly fond of reptiles— Especially the ones without shells. When I lived in SoCal, a lizard once pranced its way into my office. I took off running into my boss’s office, closed the door behind me, made sure it was locked, and made myself a human barricade to save us both from the vicious animal.  My boss looked up from his work, half concerned, half aware that I’m prone to goofiness.  I informed him of the situation. He went to rid my space of the intruder. I may have grown up in the country but crossing paths with snakes and lizards never grew on me.

Fast forward a year from that incident, I was enjoying a day under the San Cristóbal Island seas, and learning first hand that the iguanas I tried to avoid sunbathing on rocks, could swim. Go figure, the Galapagos Marine Iguana is the only sea-going lizard in the world. According to Charles Darwin, swimming may have become an adaptation of land iguanas that apparently drifted out to sea on logs and landed in the islands. For the iguanas, it was either adapt or die. So they evolved into swimmers.

A huge, lava-ash colored lizard with a spiky back and bumpy head glided through the crystal blue waters swishing her tail behind her like a mini crocodile right past my face, unconcerned. Iguanas have no natural predators in the water. I, on the other hand, was concerned. Convinced that this unsightly creature must be a predator to me, I momentarily forgot I was indeed not a mermaid and opened my mouth to squeal, taking in all of the salty ocean into my lungs. I had to come up for air.

Popping my head out of the water, coughing and gasping for air, I regained my composure.  I watched another iguana, camouflaged on a black rock, hop into the sea and paddle nonchalantly with its head barely above the water. I was really ready to end the beach day right there.  Swimming lizards wasn’t something I was prepared to experience. I read up on swimming with giant Galapagos turtles but somehow missed the part of marine iguanas. 

Sea Lion couple sun bathe together on a beautiful beach with lava rocks and brilliant blue seas
Sea Lions sun bathe on Playa Carola

With the exception of a three-person family down the beach, I had the beach, Playa Punta Carola, to myself. That is of course, with the exception of the small family and huge iguanas. With the pristine white sand blazing, I packed my beach tote and left on a hunt to find a lizard-free beach. Perhaps a more populated beach would clear out the wildlife. Through paths lined by tall, lush vegetation I eventually made it to the Charles Darwin statue. The area had charming little coves and gentle waters.  I figured I can snorkel here.

However, I had to get past the crabs that covered the rocks leading to the pool and seemed to do karate kicks into the ocean. Swimming iguanas and jumping crabs, great!  I could just imagine my foot getting clipped by a crab and oozing out blood, making the long, hot walk along the equator back to my hotel miserable.  A cozy corner of the cove against the shady mountainous cliffs provided a bed to sleeping sealions.  San Cristóbal is a quiet island in the first place, but being in the off season left most beaches unoccupied by humans. Perhaps if I was there with a friend I could have been convinced to make the plunge, but I couldn’t convenience myself. I continued my search along the shore. Other beaches were overrun by wet-dog smelling sea lions.  I was finally forced to accept that I was going to be hard-pressed to find a shore without aquatic lizards.

Bright red crabs on beach lava  rocks
Jumping Crabs!

This is what happens on a conservation site. 
In the Galapagos, animals are free to roam and be animals. They’re not confined to a location for the sake of human comfort and development. This is nothing like the beach environments I’ve been used to in South Carolina, Virginia, SoCal, Massachusetts or Florida.  Like the lizards had to evolve or go extinct, I needed to adapt or live a less adventurous vacation.  

I had to recognize, I am the intruder interrupting their beach time.

Iguanas look scarier than they are.  Animals that feed on algae growing on rocks do not eat or attack humans. Just like most people, if you mind your own business, animals are just as nice to you as you are to them.

We’re just going to be two predator-less creatures swimming and enjoying paradise together.

In Resources, Uncategorized, United States on
February 16, 2019

A Seat In The Cockpit: Revealing A Hidden Legacy

A middle school aged boy in cargo shorts and button up shirt walks with an experienced pilot discussing aviation and acedemic excellence on a flight line, as a crew memher gives a peace sign outside the parked airplane behind them.

One of the most magnetic people I know established my new favorite non-profit aimed at exposing a wider range of children to the thrills of aviation.  Legacy Flight Academy accomplishes this goal at one-day, Eyes Above the Horizon events that take place in various cities around the county.  Students interact with diverse pilots who instill the legacy of the Tuskegee Airmen and share tales of their flying adventures.  The highlight of the day is an introductory flight in the cockpit of a single-engine plane.  All of this is provided free of charge to anyone who takes advantage of the opportunity.  I’d heard so much about this award-winning organization that I had to get involved. So I boarded a plane to fly to Houston to volunteer.

Legacy Flight Academy: Eyes Above The Horizon

Early on a Saturday morning children start filtering through the Lone Star Flight Museum. I’m charged with leading a group of 20 or so 5th and 6th graders to their stations. The day is divided into four parts: introductory flight, Tuskegee Airmen legacy lesson, museum scavenger hunt, and hands-on simulation. Inquisitive, little minds absorb all the information and start making connections with context they’ve been provided.   When they ascend into the sky, a transformation takes place.  Packed full of new experiences, their little bodies come back down to Earth, but their perspective never does. I have the privilege of watching it all take place from a front row view.

All smiles while 5th grade children take turns checking out a fighter jet as they wait for their introductory flight.
All smiles while 5th-grade children take turns checking out a fighter jet as they wait for their introductory flight.

While shepherding the children through the galleries on a scavenger hunt, something becomes apparent for the first time. Of all the exhibits on aviation, Bessie Colman was the only black female aviator featured…in the entire, huge museum! Granted it’s a Texas-heritage aviation museum and Ms. Colman was a native Texan, surrounded by all the aviation history gives the appearance that Bessie Coleman was one of a kind. She wasn’t.  The stories of Mildred Hammons Carter, Willa Brown, and Janet Bragg are equally fascinating, especially for their time.  They taught countless other black men and women to fly.  Even with my background in history, spending my life in the Air Force, and teaching Air Force History, I had not been fully cognizant of the dearth of aviators that look like me until this moment.

Precocious children stay engaged with a Legacy Lesson of the Tuskegee Airman from a volunteer who was personally friends with a recently passed original Airman.  They asked so many thoughtful questions and offered their own insights.
Precocious children stay engaged with a Legacy Lesson of the Tuskegee Airman from a volunteer who was personally friends with a recently passed original Airman. They asked so many thoughtful questions and offered their own insights.

We laud the Tuskegee Airmen as the nation’s first military unit for African-American pilots. However, it wasn’t for all African-American pilots; just the male ones. Words matter, and so do the omission of words. When we leave out the word “male,” although perhaps implied, it glosses over the lack of opportunity for black women. Not explicitly stating the U.S. Army’s Tuskegee Flight School Experiment solely selected black men alters the context from a sense of inclusion for all black people to the reality of the exclusion of over half the black population.

While it is also essential to recognize that the U.S. military barred women in general from combat, and thus fighter pilot slots, during World War II, it’s also crucial to make abundantly clear, that black, female pilots, although qualified for non-combat flights, faced both gender and racial discrimination.  Even today, unless you specifically hunt for the contributions of black, female aviators, you won’t find them mentioned in movies or websites including Tuskegee University’s own. Even the supporting contributions women provided, to include training the Tuskegee Airmen to fly, are omitted.  

A vintage photo of Mildred pinning wings on her beau, Herb. Herb and Mildred Carter's 70-year, epic romance in the sky is one for the history books.  They weren't allowed to date while training at Tuskegee so they'd meet up in the sky above Lake Martin and blow kisses at each other from their planes. Mildred was the first black woman in Alabama to fly and first civilian hired by the Army Air Corp. She was retroactively designated a WASP 70 years after applying.  As far as my research takes me, she is the only person who is designated as both a WASP and Tuskegee Airman.
Herb and Mildred Carter’s 70-year, epic romance in the sky is one for the history books. They weren’t allowed to date while training at Tuskegee so they’d meet up in the sky above Lake Martin and blow kisses at each other from their planes. Mildred was the first black woman in Alabama to fly and first civilian hired by the Army Air Corp. She was retroactively designated a WASP 70 years after applying. As far as my research takes me, she is the only person who is designated as both a WASP and Tuskegee Airman.

The same is true for the Women’s Auxiliary Army Corps (WAAC) and Women Airforce Service Pilots (WASP). It wasn’t an inclusive program for all women. It specifically disqualified black women. So it wasn’t a Women’s Auxiliary Army Corps. It more accurately should be called the “White Women’s Auxiliary Army Corps” with a few waivers for non-black Women of Color.

I’d always identified with both groups of ground-breaking pioneers, only to realize that I wouldn’t have been welcomed in either.  We are still witnessing the early years of black female aviation. The first black woman to fly in combat was in 2001! That’s 60 years after the Tuskegee Airmen and WASP! Recognizing neither group would have had a place for me to fly was depleting as well as telling. 

After 8 hours of flight immersion, Legacy Flight Academy participants and staff gather for a group picture
After 8 hours of flight immersion, Legacy Flight Academy participants gather for a group picture.

After the all-day event wrapped up, a pilot for United Airlines invited the Legacy Flight Academy volunteers to crash at her sprawling secondary home. Fewer than 150 African-American women hold a pilot’s license (airline, commercial, military or instructor); she’s one of them. She’s also a founding member of Sisters of the Skies, a non-profit organization founded in 2015.   This organization doesn’t just accept black women as members, Sisters of the Skies is dedicated to increasing the number of black female aviators.  The friend who invited me to volunteer, a military flight instructor, took the lead in conducting a debrief and After Action Report to gain consensus on what went right and what could be done better next time.

Sisters of the Sky, an organization dedicated to increasing black female aviators to the ranks, muster at the Lone Star Flight Museum.
Sisters of the Sky muster at the Lone Star Flight Museum.

Legacy Flight Wrap Up

Someone once told me, “It’s either first class or no class.” Eyes Above the Horizon is first class all the way.  I’m still impressed that people that I call friends could dream this experience and turn it into an extraordinary reality. From the expansive museum and its knowledgeable staff, the pilots who volunteered their aircraft, fuel, and time, to the leaders who organized the event, everything was fantastic.  This community undertaking drew in over 100 Houston-area kids. Since this was my first experience with the Legacy Flight I only had praise to offer.

A Tuskegee Airmen and elementary age child, both dressed in red pose for a picture. Five generations apart these two share a joy of aviation.
One of the perks of the academy is the opportunity to interact with living legends. Five generations apart these two share a joy of aviation.

It’s About Belonging

With all the children gone, the volunteers and staff gathered at a local pilot’s home. Chillin’ around a kitchen, eating pizza and wings, laughing, joking, and contributing to the lighthearted revelry, we conducted a business meeting. I was in awe of the moment.  There I was, surrounded by black excellence. It’s a situation that rarely happens for me, yet everything about it was familiar. Surrounded by people that I just met earlier that day, I felt at home.  I knew it would be a long while before this happened again, so I intentionally captured the moment in my mind. 

For instance, I’d estimate there are fewer than 10 black officers on my Air Force base. Without intentional efforts, I can go months without contact with peers from a similar cultural background.  aired with my history of perpetually being “the only one,” camaraderie with black peers has been an infrequent indulgence my whole life.  Even more infrequent as an Air Force officer is the opportunity to observe other black officers lead and the access to socialize with aviators, let alone black aviators. 

a crew of modern day black air force aviators
Black aviators have just as much swag today as they did in 1944 (and slightly more women).

Around 10 flyers or so floated around the house. In addition to my flight instructor buddy, there’s one of his flight students, a bright, young woman who divided her attention between her studies and the lively conversation.  Another aviator present, a fighter pilot who earned his flying license before his driver’s license shared a video of his first flight solo as a child. A Surveillance and Reconnaissance pilot recalled highlights of the day which included the children asking if he can see outer space from his aircraft…he can!  The question and answer session took an awkward turn when the kiddos got very officious about his bathroom habits while wearing a spacesuit. He’d just recently bought his own plane for recreational flying.

A commercial airline pilot, who also flies for the Air Force reserves lamented his economical travel arrangements of riding shotgun to Texas, sitting on the uncomfortable hump (also known as the jump seat) between two the two pilots flying the plane. Navigators, air battle managers, and a few others with careers in aviation talked and joked with the group. And then there was me. As the furthest removed from aviation, I was a guest within the group but very much deeply embraced. We all just exchanged ideas, vibed, and enjoyed one another’s company. It was a pleasure.

A U2, high-altitude reconnaissance aircraft, pilot dresses a student in his space suit. Legacy Flight Academy class.
A U2, high-altitude reconnaissance aircraft, pilot dresses a student in his space suit. The U2, also called the Dragon Lady, first flew in 1955 and is a spy aircraft which can loiter in the air taking aerial pictures of an area of operation. Pilots must use liquid oxygen and a spacesuit in high altitudes.

I recalled a former, non-black Naval Aviator who once said Top Gun was what inspired him to fly.  Nothing about Top Gun appealed to me. When I watch Top Gun, I see an environment where I’m likely to get touched without my consent. In that situation, I can predict that I’ll have perspectives and ideas to share, but the group will dismiss them. Talked over and interrupted will be standard behavior.

Additionally, I can expect to be misunderstood and mischaracterized. I will have to tolerate racist micro-aggressions and get accustomed to both casual and overt sexism for the sake of being tolerated at all. I’ll be spoken to condescendingly or harshly if at all. They’ll go play volleyball on the beach, and I won’t even be invited (notice, the volleyball scene did not include the only black guy in the Top Gun flight class; that’s remarkably accurate). If included by the group at all, there will be a sense that I am involved out of obligation.  They’ll find singing “That Loving Feeling” amusing. I won’t. But I’ll have to pretend I do to avoid being the stick-in-the-mud. In other words, I can always expect to be ever so slightly out of place. Much like watching Top Gun from the screen, even if I were present in the group, I’d still most likely be on the outside looking in and kept at arm’s length. 
Legacy Flight Academy is a community event. Local Aviators dedicate their time, resources and skills to the cause.
Inspiring future generations is a whole community effort. About six Houston-Area pilots spent their Saturday volunteering to flying 100 students around. A local chain restaurant catered lunch at no cost. Local teachers rallied promising future aviators to the event.

Stanford University researchers Robin Ely and Debra Meyerson published a study that indicates that the male culture prevents women from excelling in corporate America. Other studies suggest that it is specifically White Male Culture that detours those who are not white and male from participation or struggling when they do.  I’d surmise that’s a major reason minorities and women avoid careers in aviation.  In other words, it’s not necessarily a lack of exposure, interest, or ability; it’s the culture.

Another study states, “Like fish in water, many white men never have to leave their culture from birth to boardroom. Often they are unaware they have a culture that others must negotiate.” Perhaps people outside of this culture are like aquatic frogs. We can swim with the fish from time to time but eventually, need to come up for air. Until hanging out with these guys, I never knew there was air for a temporary reprieve.

Among this group, I don’t stand out. There is no foreign culture to navigate. 
My dual consciousness isn’t employed. I don’t have to walk on eggshells to avoid my entire race being stereotyped by any action that I do that’s perceived as negative. I don’t need to regulate myself into perfection in order to debunk stereotypes. Any positive attributes aren’t seen as exceptional for my race because being exceptionally brilliant and talented is expected. I’m not tone-policed. I’m not a novelty, token, or commodity. Around these folks, my voice is heard and appreciated.  Here, no topics are avoided. For example, we discussed the merits of attending Cornell versus Hampton for undergrad which largely centered on race, inclusion, and acceptance.  One of the volunteers, the only Caucasian aviator in the group, quietly listened. No one felt compelled to code switch to accommodate his comfort.  We were all free to be our authentic selves.

Legacy Flight Academy Students inspect a plane inside a museum to answer questions on a pre-flight checklist. Young black aviators.
Students answer questions on a pre-flight checklist.

After Party Socialization

After stuffing our faces and concluding the meeting, we suited up for esprit de corps in the Houston nightlife. I did not stand out in the bar. It’s a rare occasion that going out with colleagues doesn’t include Journey, Bohemian Rhapsody, Copperhead Road, or Sweet Caroline. Although I’ve certainly had a blast belting out the words to Don’t Stop Believing and doing the Copperhead Road line dance, that music usually doesn’t make the cut to my celebration playlist.  It’s just as foreign to me as shouting, “tickie tockie tickie tockie” under an Octoberfest tent in Munich. Fun. But Foreign.

Lasting Effects of Legacy Flight Academy

After that weekend I did some research.  That research led me to the ground school at my local aero club the following Wednesday.  Not long after that, I took my first flight lesson with me in control of the throttle. I Flew A Daggum Airplane! I finally understood the hype my aviator friends had been talking about. That night my dreams were about flying.  This is the impact of representation. Having access to a flying community whom I could identify and where I belonged with was all it took to convince me to consider aviation after decades of being aviation adjacent.

In short, it’s not enough to sell aviation as a cool thing to do. That doesn’t make flying any different from all the other cool stuff active, ambitious people do every day. People want to belong.  Deep down, everyone wants to be part of something wonderful; that’s the very reason I traveled to Houston in the first place. The camaraderie within an elite network is what makes this profession or hobby unique. Knowing there’s a tight-knit community of people like me and has always been a community like me, is the most significant selling point in encouraging diversity in aviation. Being part of the flying world touches on the top three of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.  Who knew, I traveled to Houston to volunteer to plant seeds of aviation excellence in the impressionable minds of children not knowing Legacy Flight Academy would sow those seeds in me as well.

A dimpled, red-headed, black female teenage, licensed pilot and alum of Legacy Flight Academy shows younger children the sky is not the limit when it's her point of view.
A teenage, licensed pilot and alum of Legacy Flight Academy shows younger children the sky is not the limit when it’s her point of view.

***If you’d like to be part of something great by supporting the early exposure to the thrill of aviation to a wide range of children, you can donate here or inquire about volunteer opportunities. To learn how you can bring Eyes Above The Horizon to your hometown check out the Legacyflightacademy.org website. You can also list Legacy Flight Academy as your Amazon Smile non-profit.  Or donate as a birthday gift to me on my Facebook link or LFA’s.

Amazon Smile advertisement for Legacy Flight. Features children sitting in Jump seats in the back of a cargo aircraft.
In Assignments, Destinations, United States on
February 4, 2019

Make Charleston Your Black History Month Destination

Charneice stands between two iron gates and a stately home, smartly dressed, welcoming visitors.

Come feel the omnipresent spirit of African Ancestors in Charleston.

When I planned my weekend getaway to Charleston, I fully intended on basking in all the southern-ness I’d been yearning for while living in Boston. I’d chat with gracious southerners with incomparable etiquette. I’d dine on delectable southern cuisine.  Most of all, I intended on giving my ears a break from the harshness of the Bostonian accent to capture the sweetest of twang.  Charleston is, after all, the crown jewel of the south. Its timeless allure is immortalized in American folklore and literature. It is where you go when you need a super does of southern charm.  Although I went to Charleston for its southern-ness, I never expected that I’d be surrounded by its African-ness as well. All-the-while the city is touted as the epicenter of quintessential southern gentry, I’ve rarely heard it positioned as a starting point of Africans in American. Yet, when I visited, I was constantly surrounded by the works and stories that drew a bridge to my own past.

This history and culture of Charleston is the history of the African majority who built and developed the city from the colonial era onward.  It is impossible to separate the history of Charleston from the history of the Africans that populated the city for over 300 years. You don’t have to go looking for the history of Black Americans in South Carolina — it hits you right in the face. The African people of Charleston are not an aside to the city, or a footnote. Charleston was not influenced by Africans, but built by Africans in every way. They were and still are the heart of the city.  

All this southern charm captured by Lindsay Pennell @taylor.grace.photography

My first stop of the weekend was Fort Sumter. Etched into memory from history class, it’s always been on my list of places to see. Being the hyper planner that I am, I arrived as their first customer of the morning. I purchased my ticket for the ferry across the bay but it didn’t leave until another two hours at 11.   That gave me time to check out the Old Slave Mart Museum.

While touring the Old Slave Mart, or Ryan’s Mart as it was called in the days of slavery, I learned an estimated 80 percent of African Americans today had at least one ancestor who was kidnapped from the Senegambia region then quarantined at Sullivan Island, often for over a month, before being brought into the city.  While I can’t know for sure, it is reasonable to believe, that I have some ancestor, from some branch of the family tree that came through this seaport. Considering that probability, the city became more personalized. This wasn’t just a trendy southern city. I was no longer just a history tourist on the outside looking in at a foreign history.  This city provides clues to my family’s potential first steps in America.    

Old slave mart museum - stone building with the words "Mart" inscribed. Three arched doorways on the first floor show symetry to the same archways over doors on the second floor.
The museum is reading intensive and emotional. It’s not recommended for children…especially rambunctious ones.

Initially, Charleston didn’t have a designated spot for the sale of Africans. It was customary for Europeans to buy and sell African people randomly on sidewalks all over town. These spontaneous sales drew inconvenient crowds for pedestrians and carts trying to make their way around town. Ryan’s Mart was built in 1856 to alleviate the sidewalk congestion. Now, Charleston had undergone series of legislation banning the public sale of humans in 1839 as a way of being discrete. That law was overturned a decade later by anti-abolitionists as a way of doubling down on their shamelessness of the institution.  

Looking at the cobble stone roads, I wondered if any of my family members, or people who knew my family were creepily inspected on the side of the roads to be bought and sold like a used futon prior to the mart’s construction.  Or perhaps someone who cross paths with my ancestors survived time spent in the barracoon of the slave mart.  Could all the trauma and heartbreak contained in this concrete cell be part of my family’s initial experience in this country?  Through these walls, mamas, most certainly clinging to their little girls knowing the fate of adolescent girls being considered the property of ruthless men.  Young sweethearts, crazy in love, waited for the impeding separation, never to see each other again. Mothers never knew what became of their toddlers and children never knew if they had other brothers and sisters out there.  

According to displays in the museum, Ryan’s Mart was advertised in newspapers across the south. Even enslavers in Mobile, AL would know when an auction was scheduled and pay a dealer to purchase and deliver people who were enslaved. Those people would be marched in shackles from Charleston to Mobile while the white deliverer would ride alongside of them.  If you could imagine…that’s a 9-hour drive on the highway today but walking back then would take weeks. This job illustrates that even individuals that might not have “owned” African people as property, their livelihood still depended on the propagation of the slave industry. Being in the Old Slave Mart connected dots on possible stories of my family’s history. My family has lived an hour’s drive north of Mobile since the end of the Civil War. While Mobile Bay was a significant slave port, most of those enslaved African people had been brought over after being “seasoned” for slave life in the Caribbean.  I pondered if my people were part of that crew or the Charleston set? Or both?

   After an hour and a half, the museum stimulated my curiosity and provided more data to use for research. I dashed back to my rental parked in two-hour parking right outside the museum then headed back to Fort Sumter National Monument.

The National Parks Department curated a small but impactful museum in the ferry waiting area that doesn’t gloss over some of the less touted realities of antebellum life that history books often omit. Founded in 1663, Charleston became predominantly black by the first decade of the 1700s.  By 1770, the Charleston harbor was the nation’s fourth largest port after Boston, New York, and Philadelphia.  At the end of the century, Charleston distinguished itself as the wealthiest city in British North America (including the Caribbean). All of its wealth was made possible by its slave industry. Of America’s major cities, Charleston was the only one with a history of having the majority of its residents enslaved.  In fact, the majority of all South Carolina residents were enslaved. The irony… South Carolina, a state in America — the bastion of freedom, enslaved most of its residents. The city stayed predominately African until the great migration during the industrial revolution of the early 20th century.

Charneice stands on the fort's island in front of "Fort Sumter National Monument" welcome sign. Grass and the bay is in the background.
The Fort is free but the 30-minute ferry ride is a small fee. You’re welcome to visit on your own boat if you’d like. Keep your eyes out for dolphins!

Once out on the island fort, the park ranger gave a spill on the history of Ft Sumter. He was a high energy, charismatic, retired Marine Colonel who implored the visitors to use our imaginations to put ourselves in the shoes of the people of Charleston at the start of the Civil War.  Empathy, he contended, was vital to the study of history and human understanding. Just like current events of today, that time period had so many perspectives to consider.  With that in mind, I considered what I’d be thinking if I was a young, enlisted soldier doing my daily duties while gearing up for the impending battle. I measured my priorities if I was the commander of the fort, knowing supplies were low and the confederates were getting hostile. I imagined being one of the aristocrats watching the battle from the porch of my ocean-side home. But what I pondered most was the perspective I’d have if I were one of the enslaved people who laid the bricks to build the fortress. I wondered if the hands of one of my ancestors built the bricks that now surrounded me. I ran my hands across as many as I could just in case.

Back shot of a 19th century cannon looking out porthole.
Use from the Ft Sumter National Monument website.

The prevailing viewpoint is the realization that all the grandeur of the city of Charleston depended on the wealth made possible by forced, African labor. With the federal government placing bans on the peculiar institution, the source of income of southerners would be gone (…with the wind).  That meant no more fashionable gowns imported from Europe. No more life of leisure, porch sitting. Cultural developments such as America’s first theater building, Dock Street Theater (1736), was made possible by the wealth of the slave economy.  The city’s first libraries came from slave money. Every nicety enjoyed by the Charleston elite life came from the work of the kidnapped and enslaved African majority.  So it’s understandable that people, reluctant to change, would hold on to the last of their livelihood as long as possible. It’s not unlike folks of today holding on to fleeting or dangerous economies (Coal. Guns. etc).

              Two and half hours later I was back in the city and starving.  At the recommendation of a friend, a South Carolina native, I ate my fill of mac & cheese and dirty grits (In Charleston they called the dish shrimp ‘n grits…but once you add the sausage and gravy…they qualify as dirty grits) at Poogin’s Porch.  The two sites I’d just visited framed my point of reference and my approach to absorbing historical Charleston. The cityscape captured my imagination of what used to be. Roaming the streets, I envisioned some distant relative once traveled the same path as me. I reckoned they probably looked at the same exchange building or churches I passed.  Gadsden Wharf was the busiest port for the nation’s slave trade capitol. But on this day, I watched an energetic fitness influencer pose for a photoshoot.  

As I wandered the streets, words from Olaudah Equiano’s autobiography came to mind, “We are almost a nation of dancers, musicians, and poets,” he wrote.  The beautiful, ornamental wrought iron work featured prominently around the city were designed and created by talented African blacksmiths.  The sweet grass baskets that Charleston is famous for (and charges a small fortune), are the handicrafts of West Africa.  The bricks that line the streets, make up the stately antebellum homes, and hold up Fort Sumter were all made by enslaved Africans.  The food culture of Charleston was made famous by African cooks, chefs, and caterers like Nat Fuller and Sally Seymour.  The beautiful gowns seen painted in portraits likely designed and stitched by African seamstresses, made out of African cultivated cotton, and all financed through African labor.   Any building, church, home, artifact of the period in the town, was either created by the wealth of enslaved African labor or physically built by the Africans themselves.  Even modern buildings were likely built from local revenue which continues to profit off of the antebellum history tourism (i.e. plantation weddings and tours). Equiano’s words were omnipresent as I wandered the painstakingly preserved French quarter streets.  This nation too, was full of talented African artisans and craftsmen. Every street I turned down I was surrounded by the works of my ancestors.

Charneice, with her back to the camera, leaps streight up on a cobblestone street and an ally of spanish moss draped live oak, and iron gates ahead.
At this moment, I was carefree, walking in my ancestor’s footsteps

The last stop of my Saturday was the ancestral plantations of the Drayton family at Magnolia Plantation.  Just six years ago, the plantation started to acknowledge the overlooked narrative of all the people who lived on this plantation. It offers a “From Slavery to Freedom” tour. I was suspicious of the how the plantation would approach this narrative when I bought my ticket. But my suspicions were alleviated by the tactful docent who led the tour with the dignity and respect the stories deserved.  The original slave shacks remaining on the plantation tell the stories of five different time periods.  The descendants of enslaved people lived in these cabins and took care of the grounds until the late 1990s when the last passed away.  I had been under the impression enslavers didn’t document where the people that they enslaved came from. But they did. In fact, in Charleston, they were very particular about where they seized people. Africans from the Senegambia region were specifically targeted for their rice cultivation skills. Before cotton became king in the south, rice was the cash crop of coastal South Carolina.  Charleston enslavers had been primarily familiar with rice farmers until they took hold of Angolan warriors. The warriors were transported over, said, “Oh hell nah,” then killed everybody at Stono Rebellion (also called Cato’s Conspiracy) just a little way outside of Charleston.  At the time, 40 percent of Africans in Charleston were kidnapped from the region now recognized as Angola.  After the revolt, a decade-long hiatus in abductions from Angola, among other preventative measures, took effect.

An original small, one room slave shack with one door, one window, and a chimny sits around vegitation
These confined shelters that once housed over 10 people per night humbled me.  

              The Year 2019 marks the 400th year that the ship, White Lion, docked in Virginia carrying the first people who were enslaved in America.  Ghana has declared 2019 as “The Year of Return” and invites all people of African descent to visit the West African nation.  If visiting your ancestral lands in Africa isn’t an option, Charleston makes a more accessible option. Even if your ancestors didn’t arrive in America this way, Charleston is steeped in the details that you can’t learn from textbooks and still worth the visit. Even after majoring in history, this weekend tourist trip to Charleston willed in so many gaps in the lessons I learned in school. If you’re looking for something more international, but closer than Africa, The Bahamas, Barbados, St. Kitts, Haiti, and Jamaica are other, closer options for a Black History Month getaway with deeply rooted African history that connects the stories of America’s African history as well.

In Destinations, Local Guides, New York on
December 5, 2018

How to Plan the Perfect NYC Photoshoot

So, you want a New York City Photoshoot?

New York City has no shortage of beautiful and iconic backdrops for your shoot.  I’ve collected the advice from talented photographers I know, did my own research, plus my own experience from my latest photoshoot in NYC to give you tips on creating a successful photoshoot in NYC or elsewhere. So, regardless if this photoshoot is to add a professional touch to your insta or for timeless family keepsakes I hope this post save you time in your planning efforts.

 

  1. Understand the Purpose of Your Shoot

Not only should you have a clear vision of what you want to achieve during this photoshoot, you need to make sure everyone involved understands that too.  If you’re imagining an edgy artistic concept while your photographer is thinking grace and elegance, that’s sure to lead to frustration and disappointment in the end.

If a single picture is worth 1000 words, and you’re going to be taking pictures for hours, think of a photoshoot as a photo novel…and you’re the main character. Take some time to understand the story and narrative you want to tell. Check Pinterest, IG, and other social media sites to guide you. Consider making an inspiration board with all the photos that appeal to you. Be able to articulate what attracts you to the photos you select. For example, is it the editing, the use of lights and shadows, the minimalism or maximalism, the filter, the posing that draws you into the photograph?
Take all of this to provide your concept to your photographer.

“Winging it can be fun but you need at least a rough plan of action. Make sure both sides know and agree on a game plan. So plan, plan plan…and then don’t forget to be spontaneous!”  — Aaron Mann, photographer, Back Home Again Photos

 

  1. Select the Photographer That can Tell That Story

Knowing what kind of shoot you want to achieve is going to help you select a photographer. While a wedding photographer can certainly do other styles of photos, his or her area of expertise is couples, not children.  So, if you’re photographing a pack of rug rats, you might want to reconsider.  Look at the portfolio and determine if your photographer has the experience to make your vision come to life.

 

Clearly, not New York City. But the photographer and I worked together to come up with the concept to tell the story of home.

Other considerations:

Also make sure you choose a photographer that knows the city or area.

Make sure your energy levels and personalities complement each other.  You’ll be spending a lot of time with each other, you’ll want to be comfortable with each other. In fact, be sure everyone involved in the day has compatible personalities.

When I selected a photographer, I knew I wanted to work with my friend, Keith Brooks. Other places you can check for photographers (outside of a google search) Flytophotographer or  Freelance.com  or KYMA or even Craig’s list

 

  1. Selecting a location

Your inspiration board is going to direct your location. Manhattan is expansive. And you’ll be covering a lot of ground if you try to get pictures of everything. I suggest sticking to one neighborhood. Since my concept was exploring SoHo and Brooklyn, two neighborhoods relatively close to each other, it wasn’t much distance between each shot and offered plenty of things to shoot along the way.

For family photoshoots you’re going to need easy access to bathrooms and room for little ones to release their energy. Consider Central Park, smaller parks, and the Central Park Zoo for photoshoots involving children.

 

Under the Manhattan Bridge is a popular photo opportunity for tourist.

  1. Date and Time

The early model gets the most popular tourist attraction. Highly iconic spots: Flatiron building, Brooklyn Bridge, DUMBO, Statue of Liberty, Times Square, the Imagine Mosaic, Top of the Rock are all going to have thousands of tourists doing the same thing as you. Get there early at first light golden hour if possible. Also remember that the light has a way of playing peek-a-boo with skyscrapers casting shadows as the sun moves throughout the day.  Check sunrise and sunset schedules.  If possible, do a bit of homework and check the way the sun looks at certain locations at certain points of the day and schedule your shoot around those times. Also keep weather and season in mind.

  1. Hair and Make up

If you’re going to have hair style changes, do the most challenging hair style first. That means, that effortless messy bun that takes a ton of effort to achieve…come with that already done. It’s a lot easier to undo it for later shots than put it up. Bring make-up wipes to get that MAC lip color off and change up the style. Depending on your style, faux lashes never really hurt anyone.

Go to Sephora and have them teach you how to contour. You can make multiple visits to learn different techniques.  Better yet, bring a talented friend along or schedule your shoot after getting your makeup applied.

This was a test shot done with my friend’s iPhone while the photographer was adjusting lenses and playing with light. Test shots are helpful for the subject and photographer.

  1. What to wear

I planned attire that was easy to switch up. I had leggings which could easily be worn under jeans, under a skirt, and as standalone pants (regardless of what the modesty police try to say).  That’s a quick change for three outfits.  I also wore a tank top under my shirt and sweaters for easy top changes without the need of a changing room. I brought a pair of comfortable walking shoes plus some sassier shoes.  I packed a small jacket that was easy to fold into a small tote. Again, your concept is going to guide this. My friend who lives in NYC offered a whole rolling suitcase of outfit changes and boots. Coordinate with your photographer and most fashionable friends on what colors and patterns would work best.

 

               All Black base makes an easy wardrobe change with the right accessories.

  1. Props

I’m a notebook and reading book kind of girl so those are always my go-to accessories, but consider pens, umbrellas, guitars, cameras, etc.

Fashion accessories can change the overall look of an outfit. Change up a look with hats, scarves, gloves, totes, purses, jackets, change of shoes, hair accessories, sun shades, and faux reading glasses.

On location props- There’s always a street-side florist in the city that that you can buy flowers for a charming prop. Of course, just remember if you buy, instead of borrow, you’ll have to keep up with the flowers for the rest of the shoot or give them away. This last visit to the city, we also saw Christmas trees being sold. Could have been a cute prop doing a two-woman carrying of one of the trees but we passed.

  1. Posing

Reference Google, Instagram, Pinterest or browse through your favorite magazine to practice and get an idea of at least three poses. Make one your signature pose.

Since I’m kind of a cheese ball, I’ve learned my signature pose is leaping. After reviewing several photos, I realize I’m always in the air. That doesn’t always work for sophisticated shoots. I’d suggest printing off a pose cheat sheet so you can recall some posing ideas on the spot.

Remember to take a few moments to loosen up from time to time. I had a tendency to get stiff and statuesque. Shaking my shoulders out and being reminded to keep my hands and face soft and relaxed helped.

  1. Pre-coordination considerations

If you’re taking pictures indoor, you might have to make phone calls to the location just to be sure you have permission to photograph locations.

Create an itinerary. Select the locations, the types of shots you absolutely want at that location, and what makes efficient sense considering time of day, lighting, and travel times. Also take consideration on how you will get from point A to Point B. Sometimes it’s more cost and time efficient to take a Lyft. Other times you’ll be better off hailing a cab instead of waiting for a lift. If it’s rush hour, head underground for the metro.

Consider places for bathroom breaks. Starbucks serves as the default NYC public restroom so get an idea where the nearest one is in each of your locations ahead of time. Take the opportunity to go each time you have the chance.

  1. In addition to your change of wardrobe, be sure to pack: Snacks, pain reliever, water, comfy shoes, dry socks for rainy days, lip glosses, makeup remover, and anything else unique to your shoot.

Get some rest the night before.

Eat a meal before your shoot. It’s best for you and the photographer to grab a bite in a coffee shop before. Reason one: you’ll be on the same eating schedule. Two, it’ll give you a moment to chat about the day.

And of course, relax and have fun during your shoot!

Selfie on the Brooklyn Bridge with my photographer, stylist, and creative director.

 

In Kuwait, Qatar, United Arab Emirates on
December 5, 2018

Bougie Girl’s Guide to Packing for the Middle East

A belle will always get asked to dinner. It doesn’t matter if she’s visiting a new place for a weekend or in an austere location, she should still expect a dinner invitation.  Knowing this, a belle always needs to be prepared.

My bestie Kristen agrees. Kris and I met while studying abroad in China during college. Since then, we’ve both chosen careers that allow us to globe-trot and develop our individual travel philosophies. One of hers is always to pack lip gloss, perfume, and something to wear to dinner. I’ve since adopted that practice, and it hasn’t let me down.  Even when I got deployment orders to Southwest Asia, heels and dresses went into the duffle. Yes, I brought a cute dress to a deployment. Then I bought some more online. Then I bought one when I went out on the town. And you know what? The invites came, and I never felt out of place due to being overly casual at dinner at any restaurant.

While it’s perfectly standard for Westerners to walk around the Middle East in sneakers, jeans, and tee-shirts, the belle in me required a more feminine approach.  Plus, not to be outdone by the local women who dress to the nines all the time, walking around the Arabian Peninsula in cute dresses is kinda my thing. The regional requirement of modesty made the challenge more creative.  Not that finding modest fashion was a challenge –it wasn’t at all– it was just a different consideration from my usual.

If you’re not a girlie-girl like me, you can ignore this entire post. If you are a girlie girl and disagree with everything I’ve recommended, let me know. Either way, you’ve got to travel to South West Asia and see for yourself. This is my list of things you’ll have to remember to pack when deploying or traveling to the Arabian Peninsula.

  1. A few swimsuits and while you’re at it, a beach towel, and your beach tote

“You know, when some people deploy, we actually go to war,” my fighter pilot friend teased. I was lamenting that it escaped my mind to bring a beach towel.  Now I’d have to buy one on amazon. He pretended to be disgusted that I dipped in a pool while deployed. But believe it or not, impromptu pool parties were part of life in Kuwait, as are beach days and jet ski outings. Swimsuits are a must.

  1. Day Tote.

You’ll need something that looks chic to stash liters of water, sunblock, hand sanitizer, and whatever else you’ll need for a day out on the town.

While themuslimgirl.com caters to women of the Islamic faith, some things like friendships, family, love, and fashion are universal. The blog is informational for all modern women.

  1. Maxi Dresses & Maxi Skirts

These dresses have been summer staples in the West for several years, especially jersey knit. These pieces can be dressed up or dressed down depending on the accessories. I referenced a great blog called themuslimgirl.com for more styling tips.

  1. Scarves & Hats

Now, it’s probably not the most culturally correct fashion to wear a hijab if you’re not a Muslim woman. You will be thought to be a Muslim woman, and that comes with the expectation to observe the culture.  However, headwraps are a different story. Kuwait, Qatar, and the like are great places to wear your own cultural head coverings without attracting unwanted attention like it would in many places in The States.  Again, headwraps are also culturally specific although many cultures have some sort of hair covering so do take care to select the hair covering that is appropriate for you.

Fashion by the wraplife, modanisa, and EmpressaK. You can also follow EmpressaK on IG @empressAK and her head fashion accessories at @empressivefinds

  1. Diva Shades

I always thought the Southwest Asian women were just being posh with their diva shades but really, with the lack of cloud cover and the oppressive wind storms, they are most assuredly a functional necessity.

@Modanisa_en is one of my favorite modest fashion shops.

  1. Nice shoes

One sure way to identify Americans abroad is their incessant need to be casual and their preference for flip flops and sneakers over any other sensible shoe. Casual wear has its place,  but when you’re having a night on the town or going to a restaurant in the evening, it’s nice to ditch the leisure attire.

  1. Blazers, Cardigans, and Denim Jackets

These are all versatile wardrobe staples that can alter the look of the exact same outfit.

http://themuslimgirl.com/

Photos from The Muslim Girl

  1. Facial moisturizer

Whatever your skincare regimen is at home, it’s not going to work in the harsh desert environment.  You’re going to need a night moisturizer, moisturizing cleanser, and a day moisturizer + SPF. You’ll probably even need a mid-day face wash to get the desert dirt off your face.

Fresh-faced Modanisa Model

  1. Riding pants and boots

If you’re a rider and you’re on the Arabian Peninsula, do not overlook the opportunity to ride gorgeous Arabian horses and take lessons from world renown trainers and coaches. Of course, you can always buy equestrian gear in-country if you don’t bring your own.

  1. Your own Abaya

You’ll need one to visit the Grand Mosque. The mosque provides abayas but if you can slay in your own, why use a loner?

  1. Fabric, Pattern, and picture of your favorite fashions.

It seems like every seamstress outside the Western World can design the outfits of your dreams just by seeing it. West Africa, Korea, and the Middle East are known for their custom reactions. You can always find your own fabric in fashion districts in the country.

  1. Favorite Jewelry & accessories

Speaks for themselves.

My friend, who executes people from the sky for a living, mocks the concept of leisure time while deployed and overpacking. He laughs that I’d even have time to go swimming while deployed, let alone go to a pool party.  We live different lifestyles for sure, and I recognize that.  But every time I think of a location as an excuse to dress frumpy, I think of my très fashionable friend Kari, who supports looking cute regardless of where you are. “Just because we’re in (city x) doesn’t mean we have to dress like it, “she often reminds me.

In Africa, Assignments on
October 3, 2018

Africans-American Never Stopped Being African

I was scrolling through Pinterest while sitting in a salon chair on a Wednesday trying to find the perfect hairstyle for my friend’s upcoming Texas wedding.  It’s unheard of to move to a new city and discover a salon home on the first try, but thanks to the help of Yelp, I found a professionally ran salon with multiple stylists who can do my natural hair. I remember giving the heads up, like I do every time I make an appointment at a new salon over the phone, that I need a stylist with experience with black hair. When I lived in Germany, the stylists gathered around in shock to hear me tell the challenges of getting a simple blow-out at just any American salon because competency with textured hair is a novelty that most salons do not have.  Even when this salon confirmed they could, I was still skeptical. I’d heard that claim before. But with multiple visits with multiple stylists, they have never disappointed. Here, I don’t need a separate salon for braids, extensions, curls, processed, cutting, or my straight hair, I have it all in one here. This just doesn’t happen. In spite of Back Bay prices, the search is over.

I need these gowns in my closet!

When a gorgeous formal, European-cut gown in West African fabric popped up among the different natural hair options, my stylist and I both gasp in delight. Perhaps I should track down a dress like that to wear to the
wedding. That would be a show-stopper for sure.

Can you believe the girl to the right was told by her teacher than African dresses were too tacky for prom!?

“You know, there are Africans that don’t like us wearing their fabric,” I told my hairdresser, an immigrant from Haiti. I recalled a blog of a British Nigerian woman accusing African-Americans of cultural appropriation of Africans. My hairdresser paused in near disgust before responding in her sweet, girlie accent, “Well, that is their opinion. We can have ours.”

A discussion continued between me, her, and a Brazilian hairstylist who also does a great job with my hair but most would not visually identify as being part of the African diaspora.  Who are “they” to exclude “us” from “our” heritage, we all agreed.

After my hairdresser had me looking like a chic it-girl, I attended a monthly Black Young Professionals mixer. This is the one time a month that I get to interact with other black people in Boston.  In five months the only times that I’ve actually seen other black people is if I intentionally coordinate to meet up with a friend I met via social media (we had too many friends in common not to meet) or take an intentional cruise through Roxbury.  I spent two years in SoCal with minimal black interaction. Outside of the hair salon or a deliberate visit to Englewood, I went two years without face-to-face interaction with black peers. I committed to not going another two.

I drop my car off with the parking garage attendant— a man with an accent. I ask where he hailed. “Africa — the original land,” he responds with a smile.

In Boston, there’s a significant Caribbean and African population. Out of curiosity, I asked him to specify where in Africa.  He indicated Ethiopia.

“Where are you from?” he asked.

I wrestled with this.  I always wrestle with this. What answer should I provide? Often I claim to be from the Air Force which explains my nomadic lifestyle. Most often I proudly claim Kentucky with Alabama roots even though I wasn’t born in either. I sometimes claim “The South” as a whole.  But in this instance, I wondered if he was asking me to identify an African country, and I can’t. He sees the bewilderment on my face.

“You are also from Africa” he answers for me. He claimed me as part of him. And I was content.

Inside, a spread of young professionals with a beautiful array of skin hues still in their work clothes filled the space. I join a circle of women and make small talk about our careers, the upcoming cuffing season, and travel. You’ve got Harvard engineering graduate students, STEM professionals, accountants, classically trained musicians, and performers–all networking, discussing current events, and planning bougie black people activities like apple picking, weekends at the cape, going away parties for week-long vacations in Thailand, and upcoming NSBE galas. In this space, no one needs to ask what NSBE is, regardless of their discipline.  The mixer is a refreshing space free of micro-aggressions, having our hair touched, being petted, conversation topic avoidance, explanations of who we are, and all the various other forms of small talk often used to “other” us from the in-group. It’s a place where all the young women have melodic names printed on their name tags. My own doesn’t stand out as unique, and people confidently pronounce it correctly on the first try.

A guy joins the circle and takes a look at our name tags and asks if we’re all from Africa. Everyone except me nods their head. I would never have guessed, even after talking with them for a half-hour. Most of the girls initially identified different hometowns but when explicitly asked if they were African, they each surprised me when they dropped a different country.

This dude is one of my favorite people to talk to.

Later, in the evening I get asked where I’m from, and I proudly proclaim Kentucky.
That response elicits blank stares before the guy responds, “Ok, so regular black.”
Wait, What?  There is nothing regular about a Kentuckian I think to myself. I’d never been labeled such a thing as “regular.”  I understand the distinction he is making.  Since then, “regular black” and “just black” has become the Boston norm in identifying Black Americans who could not identify what country they come from.  The only other time I had heard of “regular black” was when I asked a friend if he considered himself light skin. He responded, “No. Regular black.”  At the time, I took it as a color
reference rather than a cultural reference. I also thought it was funny.
In the span of one evening, I had been called “African,” “Just Black,” a member of the “African diaspora,” “Regular black,” and called “of African descent but not African.”
So naturally, that evening, along with the blog opinion by the British Nigerian rejecting my American African-ness, got me reflecting on associations and identity.  At what point did we stop being African? Is African-ness something that can be lost, stolen, or stopped?

In 1787, Richard Allen, Absalom Jones, and others founded the African Methodist Episcopal (AME) Church in Philadelphia after white Methodists physically pulled the black Christians up from their praying knees. Even though the founders were born in Delaware Colony, they still identified as Africans. At the time of the Civil War, American colonies hosted 10 generations (over 200 years) of people born in America but originating from Africa, and yet they were still called Africans.  The Articles of Secession from both Georgia and Texas discussed the servitude of Africans even though the document had been 53 years since the last legal arrival of imported Africans.
In 1868 Africans were granted citizenship by the 14th amendment but
without the benefits of citizenship and not the identification of Americans.  This was the time frame that Africans shifted from being logged as taxable property items to being counted on the U.S. census. Mulatto, quadroon, and octoroon were labels forced upon black people in relation to their relative whiteness before utilizing “colored” as an all-encompassing catch-all (although I had classmates in Kentucky still using all of these dated terms in the 2000s).
Ida B. Wells (1861-1931) used the term Negro before switching to Afro-America as a conscious effort to connect to her ancestors.  Paul Laurence Dunbar (1872-1906) wavered in the usage of Negro and Afro-American.  MLK, Jr used the term “Negro,” and Malcolm X used, “so-called Negro” during the 1960s. It wasn’t until 2000 that the U.S. Census had “African-American” as an option; however, Jesse Jackson highly encouraged the use of the term back in 1988.  Then there’s the widely popular, more inclusive “Black” which includes everyone of a certain skin hue range (although there are those with the same skin color who identify as brown) and the more segmented “Black-American.”
Perhaps more beneficial to the quest to understand when we stopped being African, is to discover why we ended being African.

In the past, I’ve identified as Black-American to make a distinction from African-Americans who had direct ties to a specific country in Africa. My grandmother, who has navigated life as a white-presenting black woman always scratches out the “African” in “African-American” when identifying her ethnicity. She is adamant about identifying as just as American as anyone else…no qualifier needed. Sometimes, people at doctor’s offices don’t even ask and mark her as white.

I have to go abroad to be an American. Rarely am I treated as “just American” while I’m in America.  In subtle ways, like Almay calling Carrie Underwood’s look the, “true spirit of American beauty” to the not so subtle demands to, “go back to Africa” when someone disagrees with me, or a US representative warning the American president to, “Watch out, Real America is coming,” I am too often reminded I am an outsider in the land I claim.

I’m realizing now that my grandmother was identifying as “just American” and me recognizing as Black-American erases our connection to Africa. And perhaps that’s by colonial design. I think it may be instinctual to disassociate with Africa because Colonizers crafted a negative perception of Africa.  For those who have not visited, Africa brings the connotation of poverty, disease, “jungle savages, cannibals, and nothing civilized.”

We both identify as black, but we aren’t always recognized by others the same way.

Likewise, for first-generation Africans and Caribbeans, Black-Americana holds the legacy of slavery, Jim Crow characterizations of blackness and various other unsafe, negative stereotypes.  And thus, we disassociate from each other.  Perhaps Black Americans claim the American label tighter in an unconscious effort to prove our American identity…something denied to us for centuries. Maybe we more closely identify with America since we’ve never lived in or perhaps even visited Africa.

Nevertheless, when a Black American and Black African travel the globe, no one sees nationality. Everyone sees the continent. I cannot count the times Europeans have told me I look like the people from some African country they visited. Or just assumed I spoke French. Or Spanish.  I’ve been pulled aside in international airports and asked if I’m coming from Kenya. Like, why, of all the countries in the world would they ask me, of all people, if I’m coming from Kenya? In America, Africans are regarded as the same as Black Americans.

Going back to Zipporah Gene’s original blog post, she states, “I’m not trying to start a war, but I would just like you all to realize the hypocrisy of seeing someone wearing a Fulani septum ring, rocking a djellaba, painted with Yoruba-like tribal marks, all the while claiming that this is meant to be respectful. It’s a hodgepodge, a juxtaposition, a right mess of regional, ethnic and cultural customs and it screams ignorance and cultural insensitivity.”

Going back to Zipporah Gene’s original blog post, she states, “I’m not trying to start a war, but I would just like you all to realize the hypocrisy of seeing someone wearing a Fulani septum ring, rocking a djellaba, painted with Yoruba-like tribal marks, all the while claiming that this is meant to be respectful. It’s a hodgepodge, a juxtaposition, a right mess of regional, ethnic and cultural customs and it screams ignorance and cultural insensitivity.”

This response does a pretty solid job at explaining why it is not possible for African Americans to appropriate African culture. So does this response.    So I’ll refrain from repeating the same sentiments but offer my perspective.

After many cries of foul play, Zipporah Gene wrote a follow-up blog post ironically titled No One Can Take My Africanness Away. In it she states,

“What people fail to understand is that unlike those from the diaspora, I can never look at the elegant wrappers/kente of Ghana and decide that I prefer their styles to my tribe and wear it. It is a near unspoken rule. We have our lines, and we don’t cross them.”

But what the author fails to understand, the thing about being part of the African Diaspora is. Those lines have been crossed. That is precisely who we are. We are a mix of Cameroon, Ghana, Angola, Senegal, Nigeria and more.

We are all of Western Africa rolled into one. Gene may only identify as Nigerian. It may very well be inappropriate for her to mix elements of cultures.  But American-Africans are that hodgepodge, juxtaposition, and “right mess of regional, ethnic and cultural” identity. Colonialism and imperialism dislocated and built arbitrary borders where there once were none.  For her not to recognize that screams of ignorance and cultural insensitivity right back.

Further, she identifies as both British and Nigerian and perhaps she’s not altogether familiar with Black American history. In what sounds like African elitism run amuck, she states, “Unlike a lot of people from the diaspora, I do know my tribe.”

 

I contend that American Africans have developed a new tribe out of many. Every tribe and every nation in Africa is different.  There is not one thing that unifies Africans but Africa itself.  If 4 million Yoruba people migrated to Norway, their attire, foods, and activities would change to adapt to the new environment alone. To survive, they will take on the language of their new land. Norwegian history will not magically become their own.  They will not magically turn into Norwegians although their citizenship may say so, they will still be ethnic, native Yorubas, doing the things Africans would do to adapt to the Norwegian climate. Likewise, American Africans live the way “African-Africans” would live had they been kidnapped and treated like livestock for half a millennium. The culture, ethnicity, and identity fused and evolved but never dissipated.

I cannot help but notice that the author, Zipporah Gene, bears the same name as the wife of the Biblical figure, Moses. Moses, although adopted, given an Egyptian name, and raised in Egyptian culture (he wasn’t even circumcised and neither were his sons), never stopped being an Israelite. When he learned of his heritage, he felt an immediate kindred spirit when he saw the mistreatment of an enslaved Israelite. Moses didn’t learn all the cultural aspects of his true identity overnight.  He had to grow and learn and fortunately he had people willing to show him the way.  The Israelites, when they lost their way by abandoning their customs and worshiping the false gods of Egypt, never stopped being Israelites.  Your location and practices may shape your experiences, but it doesn’t define who you are.

The British colonization of Africa left a similar inheritance of displacement that African-Americans experienced. The Brits relocated Sudan’s Nubian population to Kenya. When the British pulled out of Africa, they granted British citizenship to the Chinese they cajoled into fighting in their military but the Nubians who did the same lost citizenship to both Sudan and Kenya. They became stateless—belonging to no African country. This was the state of most Africans in America until late last century. It just so happened, that Nubians were dislocated within the continent of Africa that they uncontestably maintained their African-ness even without citizenship of an African nation. The examples of dislocated and relocated people who adapt yet keep their identity are endless.

Being from Kentucky, I am conscientiously southern.  It is an identity that I defend.  Perhaps because New Englanders, although never visiting the state have always assumed it was mid-West.  Perhaps because some Southerners question belonging to the group I am hyper-aware of claiming southern as my identity.

I ponder if a Southerner moves to Wisconsin, and maintains southernisms, can that person still claim the south?  If that same individual’s child grows up in the mid-west and learns ice-fishing, eats cheese curds, knows how to drive in the snow, doesn’t get gussied up to attend football games, can’t identify a grit or worse — puts sugar in them, is that descendant still a Southerner? Southernness is more than a geographical designation.  It’s deeper than the superficial eating of grits. So is African-ness. Perhaps in claiming Africa, I’m continuing the 400-year-old resistance to having my identity taken away.

No doubt, we do not have to all agree on how to identify ourselves. Identities are often fluid and based on relation to others (i.e., I never needed a term for “Just black” until I was around a diversity of other black people).  Even people within the same family identify in different ways (my mom, her sister, and their mom have different last names but all family) so expecting 41 million people self-identify the same way is fruitless.   It is pivotal to recognize that race, nationality, and ethnicity are not mutually exclusive. Instead of identifying as this or that, consider identifying as this and that.  It is possible to be Black, American, an Islander, and African. Recognizing alternative options on what fits you best be it Black-American, African-American, American African, or American And African may be beneficial and most accurate.

One of my last courses for my Master’s in International Relations required us to define our own culture. At the time I just didn’t have the resources, perspective, or time between deadlines to give the assignment justice.  The task was more fascinating than I realized at the time and a fun conversation to have (with the right people).  Perhaps I’ll devote more time to research and explore this later.



In Europe, Germany on
June 20, 2018

Dating German Guys

So this guy is just a google.de image of a German man (come on guys, I can’t really just go around snapping photos of the beautiful strangers I run across on a daily bases). He is just an example of the serious cuteness that wanders the streets of Germany.

 

 

 

Okay, let’s talk about guys. That’s what people really want to hear when talking about Europe…guys.  Do you know, when I told everyone back home about me moving to Germany, they all said something tantamount to, “Prince Charming is over there waiting for you.”

No one ever said there was a Prince Charming waiting for me in China (which with high ratio of men to women, would probably be more likely but that’s a whole other story to discuss at another time).

Here’s my take, thus far, on European (and more specifically German) men.

 

The German Men

How cute is this Deutsche Olympian?

 “Why on Earth don’t they like me,” I asked the small heard of German-speakers at an international cocktail party on the beach in Montenegro.  When in an international setting, I now tend to settle amongst the Germans. I am a Stuttgart girl. Germany is home. My question was the response to an Austrian telling me that, in order to learn German, I needed to do one of two things:

1. Get drunk, and then talk to everyone

2. Get a German (speaking) boyfriend.

Getting drunk is about as easy as downing one German-sized hefeweizen.  Scoring a German-speaking sweetheart, well, that’s horse of another color.

The beautiful sunny view from the terrace of the hotel where we worked. Germany was gloomy and about 50 degrees Fahrenheit when we left. Montenegro was amazing!

 

One, I already have a French-speaking American beau that I’m not interested in trading in at the moment. And yes, dating him has improved my French.

Two, while I will say I do have a hint of modesty, I’m well-aware that I possess many features often attributed as standard, conventional beauty.  I’m in shape and, like all southern belles are raised to do, I put effort into my appearance.
I understand I may not be attractive to everyone. But after a year or two in Germany, no German has even tried to approach.  I explained that and my new friends acted shocked that I don’t attract the German men!  Ever so often a group of folks from all over Germany working in our IT company travel from time to time to Eastern Europe. This was our second time traveling together somewhere. The first time, they taught me some German and inspired me to continue learning in a classroom. Now, I was ready to practice on the out on the town.  Most of the men were named Michael. There was one Klaus.

Me with the German-speaking Michaels (Austrians included!)

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One guy friend said, “No! You know you’re beautiful. Attractive.  If you don’t think so you are crazy!” Michael # 3 made a point to make sure I knew and understood my appearance met approval.

“They don’t know how to take you,” Michael #1 explained.

I explained how I asked a cute neighbor, Sebastian, to dinner once and never heard back from him. They asked how long I knew him. I said less than one hour. And they explained that was the problem. Germans get to know people first. One of the Michaels said, “If you asked me to dinner, I would think you were joking to make fun of me,” stating that I was much too beautiful to be interested in him. He said Germans are shy.  They all assured that German men are not
blind and really are attracted to me… except maybe the “schwul” ones.  “Everyone in Germany understands ‘schwule,’ even the non-German speaking American girl.  And yet, they don’t hit on me. I even initiate convo in their language. They pay no mind. Hmm…I think, maybe it’s because I’m an outsider. Maybe they don’t date sub-six foot women.  The Germans and Austrians I conversed with suggested the key to getting in good with German men is to establish a German female
friend base. It is true; the folks I hang out with the most are other Americans or at least other Expats.  So, I think I’ll work on it a bit more in a new direction knowing that I am the one who has to show interest and make the first move.

Generally speaking, I’m against objectifying all people. But just for this one instance, I’m taking a moment for revenge on all women who have ever been objectified by objectifying men back.  This German guy, is a swoon-worthy object of lust!
He’s Badden-Wurttemberg boy, Michael Fassbender who played in Inglorious Bastards and 300!

I see beautiful German men all the time on the train. They are a phenomenal specimen of men. These men are the skyscrapers of men. They can work a business suite like no other. The whole darn country is active and sporty and it shows
amazingly well. They have these mysterious blue eyes under dark hair or sometimes blond hair. Germans have very captivating, science & logical minds.  And in this group of men, they are a ton of fun and loads of laughs. I think it’s a true indicator of your grasp of a language when you can tell jokes that translate well, and these guys were like a joke factory.  After our discussion I decided to research “The German Man” and came across this article.  In order to effectively communicate, I must know my audience.

This fella is just one of many gorgeous soccer (ah-hem, football) players in Germany: Bayer Leverkusen.Why is he so cute?

Anyway, I think as a whole in general, German men follow the values of the old south. Men take the responsibility of being a leader and provider of the home seriously meaning they will work to provide for their family. They are also taught to be polite and not hoot and holler at women as American women (and French ones and Italians) are accustomed. Maybe German women have trained them well enough that men who take the more caveman approach are not successful. Although I don’t think American men who catcall are rewarded by their behavior and yet it seems to happen anyway.   Apparently, a German guy could be very interested but never let on in the conventional U.S. fashion that he’s into you. Now, I see German couples all the time with German babies so someone is being successful in getting German men to make a move.  The approach to capturing the heart and attention of these men are quite different than what we’re
socialized in American, France and English dating culture. Thus, German men are the most difficult group of guys I’ve come across in breaking into the dating scene. But like with all things, if it was easy, it would lose its value. I’ll keep you posted on how my research goes.  Now, back to my more professional self.