Flirty & Thirty: Southern Girl In Paradise

Hau`oli Lā Hānau to me!

It’s My birthday! This is it, the big 3-0! Saturn has made a full rotation around the sun. I’ve lived in four different decades (but only completely through two).

What does turning 30 Mean? I suppose thirty should magically transform me into an accomplished, sophisticated, worldly woman. Something is supposed to happen when a woman turns thirty but I’m just not sure what. According to pop culture, thirty is something to fear or avoid. I should continue to pretend to be eternally 28. If you stagnate at 29 then everyone knows you are really delaying thirty but 28 is still young enough to be lovable, fun, and flirty.According to popular culture, thirty is a doomsday that should be met with sorrow, tears, and an existential crisis. I’m supposed to have a psychological breakdown questioning “what I am doing with my life?” or dire predictions that I’ll die old and alone (and with cats that will eat me when I die and no one notices). Thirty is when you magically become old, boring, and busted. Thirty is for people born in the 70s…or at least it used to be…like half a decade ago! How did I get here so quickly?In search of some sort of philosophical approach to the ripe age of thirty, I turned to the trusty ol’ internet . When you Google “turning 30” the articles that appear are mostly women freaking out over this age in particular. Actually, if you Google sites about turning any age, you’ll get plenty of articles but once you hit 27, the articles seem more of an Armageddon about the pending age 30 in the not so distant future. Then, once you turn thirty you get the “oh so much older and wiser” articles like “Thirty Lessons Learned” or “Thirty Things You Should do Before Thirty.” Clearly, something is supposed to happen when you turn 30. Something big.

My beach house for a week in Molokai, Hawaii

I decided to spend my final days of my 20s in the American paradise that is Hawaii. A milestone this major should be I will meet this big something in a major way. It was after my tropical vacation that I defined thirty for myself.

I never wanted to leave this place.

I spent my 30th birthday doing exactly what I wanted as opposed to what other people thought I ought to do. There was no compromising or considering what others wanted. There wasn’t doing something I didn’t want to do just to be agreeable. I’m thinking my family has finally got the hint that I’m pretty much going to do whatever I want and scare tactics have little effect on my travel plans. Unlike my in younger 20s, time or money didn’t limit my celebration plans. I no longer have the schedule, hassle and pressures of school. I have a job that I enjoy, pays the bills, and also allows for a little fun. I have great co-workers, and live in place where it doesn’t snow! My job doesn’t define me. It’s a cool, interesting part of me, but not who I am. All the dreams and plans I made 20 years ago and thought would take a lifetime to accomplish, I’ve done…except for running a marathon in Antarctica….I haven’t done that yet. I have all I need and I’m confident the few things I want but don’t have I’ll get within the next decade. And really, I just wanted to chill, relax, and reflect.

In my twenties I looked into the future with worry. Fear motivated many of my actions. What if I can’t afford college motivated me to go with the college that offered the most scholarship money, rather than the best fit. Fear of losing my scholarship motivated academic concentration changes, what if I can’t find a way to get paid post-graduation lead to career decisions. Fear of failure, of destitution, fear of being alone only leads to settling and destroy the current moment. At 30, I’ve made the conscious decision to make the best of the present moment and remove myself from moments that drain my soul.

In my 20s I’ve seen a lot of ugly, mean, and horrible. And now I can better appreciate and recognize the wonderful when I get to experience it. And I am so grateful for the wonderful now. In the past year I have come to appreciate my peaceful, exciting life just as it is and want for nothing more. Not because I’m throwing in the towel and giving up, but because I realize all I have and all I’ve done and I am impressed with my blessings. I’m liberated from people, thoughts, and habits that have imprisoned me and have more motivation to guard and protect myself against outside forces that attempt to steal my peace. I’m over living my life to other conflicting, confining rules that you can never win without breaking another.

I’m fulfilled with now. I am at peace. Now is better than I imagined for myself 10 years ago. Different, but better. I am in Paradise. In life. Right now. That’s what my 30 means.

Each New Year I try to come up with a theme for the year. In the past I’ve used ideas like “resolve”, “eliminate”, and “pony up” to help guide my decisions. This past January, I never really came up with a word or theme. After spending a week in the tropic sun, I decided “Live in Paradise” would be my theme for the year. Make an intentional effort to guard and protect my personal paradise. I have so much to be thankful for and it has taken thirty years for me to focus on all I have more than all I don’t have. And maybe I should have gained this perspective sooner, but I certainly feel more liberated by having it now.

Looks like a postcard, but really my sunset view!

I asked friends who had already reached this milestone or quickly approaching it what thirty meant to them. Some are expecting babies this year. Some were new mommies. Some were planning weddings others, like me where planning their next trip. Everyone seemed to enjoy where they were in life. No nervous breakdowns. No worry, fears, or regrets. They were just thirty. No more. No less. And that is paradise.