dating Archives • GloBelle Affairs

June 20, 2018

Dating German Guys

So this guy is just a google.de image of a German man (come on guys, I can’t really just go around snapping photos of the beautiful strangers I run across on a daily bases). He is just an example of the serious cuteness that wanders the streets of Germany.

Okay, let’s talk about guys. That’s what people really want to hear when talking about Europe…guys. Do you know, when I told everyone back home about me moving to Germany, they all said something tantamount to, “Prince Charming is over there waiting for you.”

No one ever said there was a Prince Charming waiting for me in China (which with high ratio of men to women, would probably be more likely but that’s a whole other story to discuss at another time).

Here’s my take, thus far, on European (and more specifically German) men.

The German Men

How cute is this Deutsche Olympian?

“Why on Earth don’t they like me,” I asked the small heard of German-speakers at an international cocktail party on the beach in Montenegro. When in an international setting, I now tend to settle amongst the Germans. I am a Stuttgart girl. Germany is home. My question was the response to an Austrian telling me that, in order to learn German, I needed to do one of two things:

1. Get drunk, and then talk to everyone

2. Get a German (speaking) boyfriend.

Getting drunk is about as easy as downing one German-sized hefeweizen. Scoring a German-speaking sweetheart, well, that’s horse of another color.

The beautiful sunny view from the terrace of the hotel where we worked. Germany was gloomy and about 50 degrees Fahrenheit when we left. Montenegro was amazing!

One, I already have a French-speaking American beau that I’m not interested in trading in at the moment. And yes, dating him has improved my French.

Two, while I will say I do have a hint of modesty, I’m well-aware that I possess many features often attributed as standard, conventional beauty. I’m in shape and, like all southern belles are raised to do, I put effort into my appearance.
I understand I may not be attractive to everyone. But after a year or two in Germany, no German has even tried to approach. I explained that and my new friends acted shocked that I don’t attract the German men! Ever so often a group of folks from all over Germany working in our IT company travel from time to time to Eastern Europe. This was our second time traveling together somewhere. The first time, they taught me some German and inspired me to continue learning in a classroom. Now, I was ready to practice on the out on the town. Most of the men were named Michael. There was one Klaus.

Me with the German-speaking Michaels (Austrians included!)

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One guy friend said, “No! You know you’re beautiful. Attractive. If you don’t think so you are crazy!” Michael # 3 made a point to make sure I knew and understood my appearance met approval.

“They don’t know how to take you,” Michael #1 explained.

I explained how I asked a cute neighbor, Sebastian, to dinner once and never heard back from him. They asked how long I knew him. I said less than one hour. And they explained that was the problem. Germans get to know people first. One of the Michaels said, “If you asked me to dinner, I would think you were joking to make fun of me,” stating that I was much too beautiful to be interested in him. He said Germans are shy. They all assured that German men are not
blind and really are attracted to me… except maybe the “schwul” ones. “Everyone in Germany understands ‘schwule,’ even the non-German speaking American girl. And yet, they don’t hit on me. I even initiate convo in their language. They pay no mind. Hmm…I think, maybe it’s because I’m an outsider. Maybe they don’t date sub-six foot women. The Germans and Austrians I conversed with suggested the key to getting in good with German men is to establish a German female
friend base. It is true; the folks I hang out with the most are other Americans or at least other Expats. So, I think I’ll work on it a bit more in a new direction knowing that I am the one who has to show interest and make the first move.

Generally speaking, I’m against objectifying all people. But just for this one instance, I’m taking a moment for revenge on all women who have ever been objectified by objectifying men back. This German guy, is a swoon-worthy object of lust!
He’s Badden-Wurttemberg boy, Michael Fassbender who played in Inglorious Bastards and 300!

I see beautiful German men all the time on the train. They are a phenomenal specimen of men. These men are the skyscrapers of men. They can work a business suite like no other. The whole darn country is active and sporty and it shows
amazingly well. They have these mysterious blue eyes under dark hair or sometimes blond hair. Germans have very captivating, science & logical minds. And in this group of men, they are a ton of fun and loads of laughs. I think it’s a true indicator of your grasp of a language when you can tell jokes that translate well, and these guys were like a joke factory. After our discussion I decided to research “The German Man” and came across this article. In order to effectively communicate, I must know my audience.


This fella is just one of many gorgeous soccer (ah-hem, football) players in Germany: Bayer Leverkusen.		Why is he so cute?

Anyway, I think as a whole in general, German men follow the values of the old south. Men take the responsibility of being a leader and provider of the home seriously meaning they will work to provide for their family. They are also taught to be polite and not hoot and holler at women as American women (and French ones and Italians) are accustomed. Maybe German women have trained them well enough that men who take the more caveman approach are not successful. Although I don’t think American men who catcall are rewarded by their behavior and yet it seems to happen anyway. Apparently, a German guy could be very interested but never let on in the conventional U.S. fashion that he’s into you. Now, I see German couples all the time with German babies so someone is being successful in getting German men to make a move. The approach to capturing the heart and attention of these men are quite different than what we’re
socialized in American, France and English dating culture. Thus, German men are the most difficult group of guys I’ve come across in breaking into the dating scene. But like with all things, if it was easy, it would lose its value. I’ll keep you posted on how my research goes. Now, back to my more professional self.

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In Asia, Destinations, Qatar on

June 11, 2014

Life Lessons Learned After A Year In The Desert

A year in the desert can lead to new life realizations. Separation from all that makes you comfortable, provides the time for introspection and reflection. Discomfort allows transformation and growth. Jesus, Moses, Abraham, and the Israelites all spent time being transformed in the desert. My time in Qatar was full miserably hot and full of trials and successes that allowed me to develop my own proverbs and life lessons learned on God, work, people, myself, family, and love. Here are my Proverbs.

Lessons on God.

I can’t help but think I was sent to the desert to God to do some work in my life and draw me closer to knowing him better. The Good Lord is constantly trying to get my attention and it’s been amazing to watch God work. Over the past year I was able to view first hand all the promises and truths Kept by my God. I know for sure God loves me like my parents love me. God wants the best for me and hates to see me hurting. Yes, I can disappoint at times but he’s quick to get over it and keep loving me anyway. This year I learned to just chill out and let God be God. Nothing is a surprise to him. And he has it all under control.

I got to see this first hand. God sent so many unexpected, positive, uplifting angels from around the world into my life at the best possible time.

He’s got what seems like chaos under control. Chill.

If anyone is trying to make you feel guilty for anything that God has already forgiven you for, that person is not doing God’s work. There’s freedom in knowing the good Lord was crucified so you don’t have to crucify yourself daily with guilt for your sins. It says right there in Romans 6:23 and 1 John 1:9 that God forgives. So doubting that you are forgiven is doubting God’s word and his ability to forgive. Do yourself (and by “yourself”, I’m talking to myself) just believe what God.

No setback is a surprise to God. Just let God work! He’s got so many things set in motion for an amazing set up in your future. And he says so in one of my favorite, comforting verses:

My mistakes are plentiful but thankfully so is God’s grace. And I’m committing to expand my grace.

Now strut with that confidence.

It is arrogant and self-righteous to believe that you made it to where you are through any doing of your own. If put in the same situation as someone else, you could have made some hard or bad decisions too.

Lessons on People.

My goodness, If I haven’t spent all of my 20s trying to understand the ways of people. We are so complex. It took this pilgrimage to really understand that how people treat you is a reflection of their self and their realities and really doesn’t have anything to do with you and not to take it personality. If someone takes offense or is rude to you, it’s usually an insecurity that you’ve struck. You’ll have tons of people trying to tell you how to be, but they should all be ignored in favor for people who celebrate you. And lastly, I like this concept I got from watching Joel Osteen: 25% of folks are going to dislike you and there is nothing you can do about it. 25% will dislike you but could be swayed otherwise. 25% will like you but could be swayed to dislike you. and the top 25% of people will love you, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Focus on the top 25%.

It’s just helpful for me to remember not to take it personally if someone is rude to me and to keep myself in check when I’m tempted to forget my manners.

I watched this Joel Osteen Sermon plenty of times before but it wasn’t until my trip to the desert that I actually got to see stress that comes from people pleasing. Freedom comes from God pleasing. Even if you do everything that high maintenance people ask of you, they will constantly find fault and criticize. No matter how good you are to them, they will make you feel guilty for something else. If you change with every criticism, you won’t have a chance. Be free of those who try to squeeze, pressure, and manipulate you into their mold.

I believe most folks are are who they say appear to be. But some folks are master manipulators. They learn your interests, make you think they are just like you, gain your trust, get in your inner circle and destroy all you thought you knew about him.

Why doubt yourself? You have wonderful, valid ideas too!

Magnifying weaknesses doesn’t benefit anyone. The people I consider the best kinds of people that I’ve ever met have all been Masters at accentuating the positives. Those are the people I want to emulate.

Lessons on Family

I love the support I get from my family — those I chose and the ones God chose for me. My family is loud, country, goofy, and fun. We make an amazing, resilient team. And when being away makes me lose perspective, they will always know how to bring me back to reality. When I make a lapse in judgement or go against their warnings, they are there to catch me when I fall just like the safety-net in acrobatics.

Last year, cancer sent my uncle to be with the Lord. He was buried hours before I got home from Stuttgart. I never knew that one last time I saw him before leaving for Europe for two years would be the last time we talked. I wish I would have called to see how he was doing. This year, Cancer threatened to take my mom. But she is a pink ribbon victor. I never considered when she dropped me off at the airport for Qatar that her hug could have been the last. I’ve really got to focus, enjoy, and learn all I can from my family now, while I can.

Been learning this since 1988.

When I saw this I couldn’t help but see myself in the hopeless romantic of Princess Anna. Sure enough, my little sister was so much of the realist shown in Queen Elsa’s character. I lived this story this year.

She’ll stay up all night to talk you off the ledge (even if she’s the mother of an infant).

Lessons on who I am

I know who I am and what I am capable of more than anyone else. In the words of Kanye West, “I have a dope life, and I do dope Sh!t.” Individuals who have only known me for a few months in one aspect of my life can’t possibly know the many layers of me yet so often I take others’ negative opinions of me to heart. Critics are usually those who know me least. But those who have known me longest and best often amaze me with all the positives that they see in me.

My BGF (Best Guy Friend) is known for his brutal honesty and crassness. Dude knows me and my eccentricity well. But when it comes to describing me, he’s refreshingly positive about all that he noticed over the years. Same for my best friend since 6th grade. Every time I talk to her, I think I can rule the world with my smile just because she sees so much in me. And that just goes to show what people think about others is more a reflection of how they view themselves. Someone who is critical of you is likely hyper critical and condemning of themselves and full of insecurities. My big, compassionate heart, adaptability, accepting nature, devotion, optimism, and imagination have been keystones of all that makes up the pieces of me. I go out of my way to help a friend and even sometimes strangers.

I saw so much of me in this phenomenal little woman’s journal. And to think, her dad really got to know who she was and what she was capable of after her death.

Guys, Love, and dating.

It’s amazing how one bad apple can spoil the bunch and completely change your optimistic, wonder struck perspective. But as my newly wedded friends have all said at one point or another, if you don’t have the terrible you don’t recognize and appreciate the wonderful.

I think the ultimate goal of Christian girls who date is to have a husband who strives, everyday, to love her like Christ loves the Church. But a man cannot love you like Christ loves the church if he doesn’t know Christ. If he doesn’t have a good relationship with Christ like he does his buds, he cannot know Christ’s personality or view points. He he isn’t dialing, texting, messaging Christ daily or even weekly and is only relying on what other people have told him about Christ he doesn’t know what Christ does or says. He probably won’t even realize loving you in that way should be his ultimate goal. Find the guy who knows Christ. Then he’ll have some idea on how to love you.

Above all, listen to your instincts. They tend to be on point every time and you’ll just end up upset with yourself for ignoring your instincts or standards when everything goes wrong.

A guy who doesn’t want his girl to talk to other guys, calls his girl names, discredits her and/or her friends, or tries to control how a girl dresses is just afraid one day, one of these outside contacts is going to speak some sense into her and remind her how amazing and deserving she is. And she will leave. Although she might not recognize at the time, guy who ridicules her is showing his insecurity because he knows he has somehow scored a girl out of his league.

Friends

When you are away from all that is normal, it may be a little more difficult to identify true friends. You tend to gravitate to people because they’re fellow Americans or similar age just because there aren’t many other options. This past year I have learned to celebrate the overall awesomeness of the individuals that have been placed in my life to encourage me along my way and to shrug my shoulders to the folks that add stumbling stones. Time is so limited to focus on those who detract from my life. It’s better to have four quarters as friends than 100 pennies.

Your friends wont put you in a position where you have to stand up for yourself and won’t offended when you do.

Womanhood

Nothing like being in a country with rigidly defined gender roles to emphasize the rigidly defined gendered roles that I grew up with in America to the point that we don’t even recognize. It’s easy to point the finger at Islamic cultures and talk about how oppressive they are to women and put a blind eye to how oppressive America’s double standard, puritanical Christian culture is on women. I’m still trying to figure out how to combat this.

Life.

I’ve always believed in the reverse of Murphy’s Law because it’s been true for my life. If things can go right, they will go absolutely, positively right at the bets possible time. So even when it rains, know your rainbow is on the way.

That’s all for now!

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