Germany Archives • GloBelle Affairs

June 20, 2018

Dating German Guys

So this guy is just a google.de image of a German man (come on guys, I can’t really just go around snapping photos of the beautiful strangers I run across on a daily bases). He is just an example of the serious cuteness that wanders the streets of Germany.

Okay, let’s talk about guys. That’s what people really want to hear when talking about Europe…guys. Do you know, when I told everyone back home about me moving to Germany, they all said something tantamount to, “Prince Charming is over there waiting for you.”

No one ever said there was a Prince Charming waiting for me in China (which with high ratio of men to women, would probably be more likely but that’s a whole other story to discuss at another time).

Here’s my take, thus far, on European (and more specifically German) men.

The German Men

How cute is this Deutsche Olympian?

“Why on Earth don’t they like me,” I asked the small heard of German-speakers at an international cocktail party on the beach in Montenegro. When in an international setting, I now tend to settle amongst the Germans. I am a Stuttgart girl. Germany is home. My question was the response to an Austrian telling me that, in order to learn German, I needed to do one of two things:

1. Get drunk, and then talk to everyone

2. Get a German (speaking) boyfriend.

Getting drunk is about as easy as downing one German-sized hefeweizen. Scoring a German-speaking sweetheart, well, that’s horse of another color.

The beautiful sunny view from the terrace of the hotel where we worked. Germany was gloomy and about 50 degrees Fahrenheit when we left. Montenegro was amazing!

One, I already have a French-speaking American beau that I’m not interested in trading in at the moment. And yes, dating him has improved my French.

Two, while I will say I do have a hint of modesty, I’m well-aware that I possess many features often attributed as standard, conventional beauty. I’m in shape and, like all southern belles are raised to do, I put effort into my appearance.
I understand I may not be attractive to everyone. But after a year or two in Germany, no German has even tried to approach. I explained that and my new friends acted shocked that I don’t attract the German men! Ever so often a group of folks from all over Germany working in our IT company travel from time to time to Eastern Europe. This was our second time traveling together somewhere. The first time, they taught me some German and inspired me to continue learning in a classroom. Now, I was ready to practice on the out on the town. Most of the men were named Michael. There was one Klaus.

Me with the German-speaking Michaels (Austrians included!)

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One guy friend said, “No! You know you’re beautiful. Attractive. If you don’t think so you are crazy!” Michael # 3 made a point to make sure I knew and understood my appearance met approval.

“They don’t know how to take you,” Michael #1 explained.

I explained how I asked a cute neighbor, Sebastian, to dinner once and never heard back from him. They asked how long I knew him. I said less than one hour. And they explained that was the problem. Germans get to know people first. One of the Michaels said, “If you asked me to dinner, I would think you were joking to make fun of me,” stating that I was much too beautiful to be interested in him. He said Germans are shy. They all assured that German men are not
blind and really are attracted to me… except maybe the “schwul” ones. “Everyone in Germany understands ‘schwule,’ even the non-German speaking American girl. And yet, they don’t hit on me. I even initiate convo in their language. They pay no mind. Hmm…I think, maybe it’s because I’m an outsider. Maybe they don’t date sub-six foot women. The Germans and Austrians I conversed with suggested the key to getting in good with German men is to establish a German female
friend base. It is true; the folks I hang out with the most are other Americans or at least other Expats. So, I think I’ll work on it a bit more in a new direction knowing that I am the one who has to show interest and make the first move.

Generally speaking, I’m against objectifying all people. But just for this one instance, I’m taking a moment for revenge on all women who have ever been objectified by objectifying men back. This German guy, is a swoon-worthy object of lust!
He’s Badden-Wurttemberg boy, Michael Fassbender who played in Inglorious Bastards and 300!

I see beautiful German men all the time on the train. They are a phenomenal specimen of men. These men are the skyscrapers of men. They can work a business suite like no other. The whole darn country is active and sporty and it shows
amazingly well. They have these mysterious blue eyes under dark hair or sometimes blond hair. Germans have very captivating, science & logical minds. And in this group of men, they are a ton of fun and loads of laughs. I think it’s a true indicator of your grasp of a language when you can tell jokes that translate well, and these guys were like a joke factory. After our discussion I decided to research “The German Man” and came across this article. In order to effectively communicate, I must know my audience.


This fella is just one of many gorgeous soccer (ah-hem, football) players in Germany: Bayer Leverkusen.		Why is he so cute?

Anyway, I think as a whole in general, German men follow the values of the old south. Men take the responsibility of being a leader and provider of the home seriously meaning they will work to provide for their family. They are also taught to be polite and not hoot and holler at women as American women (and French ones and Italians) are accustomed. Maybe German women have trained them well enough that men who take the more caveman approach are not successful. Although I don’t think American men who catcall are rewarded by their behavior and yet it seems to happen anyway. Apparently, a German guy could be very interested but never let on in the conventional U.S. fashion that he’s into you. Now, I see German couples all the time with German babies so someone is being successful in getting German men to make a move. The approach to capturing the heart and attention of these men are quite different than what we’re
socialized in American, France and English dating culture. Thus, German men are the most difficult group of guys I’ve come across in breaking into the dating scene. But like with all things, if it was easy, it would lose its value. I’ll keep you posted on how my research goes. Now, back to my more professional self.

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November 1, 2012

Deutschland’s Haunted Halloween Castles

Holidays are celebrated differently here in Germany and living here, one must learn to get accustomed to doing things differently. You have to improvise with your mini European-sized oven when it comes to roasting a Thanksgiving turkey. Christmas season does not come with an over commercialized, Whoville-style endorsement of spending on gifts and trinkets. Valentine’s Day comes and goes without restaurants being over packed and florists selling out. This year, Halloween will pass without the streets being engulfed with little spidermen, bumble bees, or cowboys showing up on doorsteps expecting candy on the last day of this month.Trick-or-treating is slowly becoming a trend in Germany. But it’s more the exception to participate than the rule. You have to do some work to find costumes in shops. Instead of trick-or-treating, the Germans use their historical landscape to celebrate this terrifying holiday, giving this American girl a unique approach to the holiday. I never knew, until recently, that the creepy locations that inspire many of America’s thriller novels turn sci-fi hallmarks are located right here in Europe. Germany boasts two Frankenstein Castles: the one that inspired Mary Shelly’s novel and the other in the village of Frankenstein. Additionally, for the same amount I’d spend on a formal gown or discount Italian footwear, I can catch a flight to Bucharest and travel the Romanian country side to the home of the Count Dracula Castle.

Outside the Burg Frankenstein

So, last Saturday, after running a 10K Pumpkin Run then playing tennis, I tossed my gym bag in my best friend’s red pick-up and headed two hours up north toward Darmstadt to the castle that inspired Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein. What I was expecting was an old castle decked in spider web decor with scary ghouls jumping out to scare and thrill the crowed. What I got was a Halloween festival.

After parking, we were shuttled up the mountain giving an eery, exciting yet foreboding anticipation to what we’d witness. Once on the mountain top, theatrical nuns greeted us off the shuttle by shouting in German. Now I must say, German often already sounds scary when it’s being shouted at you. Angry French shouting makes me giggle but German shouting is nothing to giggle about. For some reason, the nuns picked us out of the crowd.We smiled and did our typical American greeting phrase: “Sprechen sie English?” The screaming nun promptly switched her shouting into English, “Eat this and you will not die!” she instructed. “

“And if you do not die, you will get a ….a…how do you say gummy bear in English?” She shouted to the crowed.

“Gummie bear!” we helped her out.

She doled out the round communion bread. My partner in crime, Idaho Boy, tapped into his own theatrical side and pretended to choke. The nun called out to two of her comrades who carried this huge black cauldron of supposed holy water in which they hosed us.

After passing through the turnstiles and handing over our tickets we were amidst the Halloween fanfare. German’s don’t play around with their costumes. You will find no princesses, kittens, bunnies, and fairies here. Their costumes are really scary. I knew it was for pretend, but the costumes still unearthed me. This is a perfect place for adrenalin junkies. Ladies, here’s a hint: Do not make eye contact with the spirits! It will only provoke them to haunt you. I smiled at a scary fellow and he started following me with a strangling device. Another one that I made eye contact with started following me to tickle me. I tickled back darn it! Then I just started giving hugs cus scary creatures need love too.

wasn’t expecting him to touch me. I just wanted a buddy pic.

Six days until Halloween, I was bummed that I couldn’t find a cape or wing to complete my Storm super hero custom because there are no Halloween costume stores and no Wal-mart with a Halloween aisle. So I waited for my costume to arrive from Amazon.com to my parent’s home and then for them to ship it to me because this particular retailer does not deliver overseas. It’s a good thing I didn’t just show up to Burg Frankenstein looking like a super hero. It would have only attracted unwanted attention from the frightful creatures.

Bring on the dancing zombies

This Frau’s costume was scary.

Performers

Halloween at Burg Frankenstein isn’t so much like the haunted houses in America. The actors are more hands on. The goblins grab girls and stuff them into coffins. The scary swamp monster tries to pull a girl into the swamp and the boyfriend, after allowing the scare factor sink in, comes to her rescue. The participants control the outcome. This wouldn’t fly in The States. I think Americans would likely be violent in order to preserve their macho. The Germans are just here to be frightened and have a good time. Of course with any German festival are fest tents offering typical German fest food like pizza and sausages.The castle ‘s enticement message states: “We will make your nightmares come true! BEWARE: We can not guarantee your well being when 99 lively monsters roam the spooky castle.”

I couldn’t agree more.

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October 29, 2012

A Long Autumn

There was a time in my life when the mere thought of autumn triggered severe turning in my stomach. I was simply repulsed by the inevitable end of summer. Pangs of sorrow and disappointment plagued my mind. No matter how hard I tried to deny the days of basking in the sultry summer glow would soon come to an end, the my season was over. My shorts, sundresses, tank tops, and sandals would have to hibernate. I mentally braced myself for the worst winter storm southern Alabama has ever seen. Its inevitable promise of winter was my primary aversion to fall. The fall in Stuttgart, however, is really quite lovely. There is just no other way to describe it. Stuttgart’s Autumn has a beautiful peace and calm about it. The vineyards on the hills are covered in fall’s signature colors. And the people really seem to celebrate the change of the season.

Fall Favorites in The American South

Fall fashion for aesthetics’ sake
Apple picking
Pumpkin picking

Corn Mazes
College Football
The Apple festival
Outdoor concerts
Hayrides
Bonfires
Cross country season
Marching bands
Bourbon Apple cider, apple pie, apple butter

sweet potato pie, pecan pie
marshmallow roasts

German Signs of the Seasons

Fall fashion has function as well as style
Fußball season
Ludwigsburg Pumpkin festival
Oktoberfest
Volksfest
Almfest cattle drives
Halloween festival
Gluh wein (warm, mulled red wine)
Opening of ski season

Traveling to warmer climates

Living in Germany has taught me not to detest the winter and thus, not to dread fall. Now I just take the seasons as they come. Each season has something wonderful to offer and I cannot write a season off. I cannot spend time dreading fall least I miss out on all the wonderful things it offers. Germany gives me more to love about fall. The winter in Germany means the opening of ski season. It means cute winter wear and traveling down south to the Med once the tourists flee the continent. Being an American in Stuttgart gives me even more to look forward to because, in addition to embracing traditional German fall activities I can still maintain my American fall traditions.

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October 29, 2012

Why Is It Snowing In Stuttgart Already?!

I don’t do snow. It’s beautiful inside a souvenir. It’s nice to look at on a post card. It’s even nice if I can fly to it for a couple of days then fly back to a nice warm climate home but over all…I’m against snow. Yes, I did a snow dances as a child in Kentucky…primarily with the hopes of getting out of school and sliding down the hill in my back yard but nowadays, it’s just a cold, miserable mess and class’s rarely get cancelled and work doesn’t either. In fact, now that I think about it…If I was back in Alabama, work would be cancelled.

In the suburb of Böblingen just outside of Stuttgart today

The buzz that snow was on the way made me cringe more than the thought of the statistics final I’ve been putting off. Folks I came across talked about praying for snow. I prayed that the good Lord would do the opposite of their prayers. I was just now accepting that fall was among us. I was even welcoming the idea of embracing the beautiful autumn.

Got to act quickly to photograph the fall before the snow.

The Idaho beau and I went up to Bruges, Belgium for the weekend. Part of the way there it was a wet, messy drive but soon we were in the clear and the rest of the weekend was chilly but pleasant. On the long drive back home I looked over the embankment thinking, man, that full moon is shinning bright over there…hold up…that’s not bright, that’s white. Holy smack, it snowed in Badden-Württemberg! It’s not even Halloween! Why is it snowing in Stuttgart?!

I expressed concerns that the snow could put a damper on our plans to visit Prague next weekend. People may not be on Charles Bridge due to the cold weather. My beau from Idaho disagreed.

Street corner near my work. I love how pretty the

“The only reason this is a problem for you is because you’re from the south. We have to get you some gear,” He says.

I guess that’s true. I came to Stuttgart two July’s ago with a suitcase full of sundresses, halter tops and sandals and froze my tail end off. When winter came, the little sweaters I had from back in Bama were not doing the trick. With a shrunk full of clothes, I had nothing to wear. But it was only bone chilling cold for about two weeks last year so I suffered through. Does this first snow forebode a long rough winter to come? If so, I will have to go shopping.

Last February I contemplated traveling to Budapest. It’s too cold, I thought; I might as well stay inside and stay warm. Then I reasoned, if I wait until ideal weather in Europe, I’m never going to see or do anything. So I went on my trip. The frost covered trip snowballed into a whirlwind of travel adventures. The Germans don’t let foul weather slow them down and neither will I. But my goodness, couldn’t we have eased into winter instead of this abrupt sneak attack?

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October 29, 2012

More On Culturally Appropriate Nudity

Living in Stuttgart has afforded me some pretty spectacular international exposure that a southern girl from a one-horse town usually doesn’t have the opportunity to experience. To date, I’ve been embraced like I was next of kin by a big Greek family with four generations of love spewing from the kitchen; I’ve been part of a debate on political ideology with the French, and shared the most intriguing historical and cultural revelations with a German Jew whose family fled to Shanghai, just before things kicked off here in Germany.

Every one of these wonderful events has taken place around a dinner table. But some of the more dramatic and revealing (sort of speak) cultural experiences happen in the sauna. I have concluded that the best a culture has to offer is experienced around a dinner table. However, if you really want insight on different levels of a country’s culture, more specifically on its morality and health culture, get naked and visit a sauna.

My mom, niece, and I went to a spa over the summer. Mama Belle, being the middle-aged, southern, conservative prude that she is was not ready to do as the Germans do and wore her black and bright striped one piece bathing suit into a tiled steam room. Everyone silently and nakedly braced themselves for the heated pain that was to one except one obviously non-native man who started pointing and shouting at us in German. We looked at him. He kept on. The other native Germans looked our way but didn’t say a word. I looked around. “Is he yelling at us?” I asked loud enough to let him know we didn’t speak his language. “Maybe he’s saying that Audrey is too young to be in here.” My mom responded. “Maybe it’s because you’re not naked,” I offered. I mean, it’s really not fair for everyone else to be naked and then there’s one person not willing to make one’s self vulnerable. Having clothes on certainly gives the clothed an upper hand. The man fumed and stormed out of the room, presumably to find an employee who could translate. Audrey started getting antsy in the heat so we left before the angry patron returned.

Photo from www.saunascape.com taken in a Badden-Wuttemburg town near Karlsruhe.

Understandably I’d get yelled at for taking photos in a naked sauna. and no one ever looks this good.

Now, it is important to note that I get yelled at by angry Germans all the time so this occasion was really not unique. Every non-German I know has a similar angry German tale to share. Headlights turned off at sunset, make a U-turn even when no one is coming, switch lanes without a signal, or cross a crosswalk when the little man on the sign is red and just expect a firestorm of angry Germans to emerge from all directions and shout at you. Heaven forbid a plastic bottle end up in your cardboard recycle bin. You will have a neighbor knocking at your door, handing it back to you while providing a lecture in German. Leave your car running to warm up as you run back into the house to collect some last minute items and a local will be standing right by your car when you come out of the house waiting to let you have it. Cut your grass at 1145 on a Tuesday, expect neighbors to congregate to observe what you’re doing as if you are making a spectacle, then brace yourself to be yelled at. If you walk in the woods with your dog and come across a no dogs allowed sign… a German wood gnome will pop out of the forest and you will get yelled at. There’s no time to explain, “Well I’m sorry, I’m already here, there was not a sign at the entrance and I’m trying to leave the area.” There are no excuses. You will get harangued. Once, the driving lane I was in suddenly turned into the taxi lane. I was stopped at a red light with a car to my left, sidewalk to my right, and a car, that happened to be a taxi, behind me. There was nothing I could do about it. The taxi driver beeped furiously. Sorry bub, the light is red. I’m not going anywhere. The driver, who was actually Turkish, not German, gets out of his car, starts beating on my window to yell at me as if I know what on earth he’s saying. Now this would have ended very badly for him if he was in the south in America. Its times like that I wish mace wasn’t illegal in this country. It was also the day I started carrying a mini can of bug spray in my purse. Has the same affect. It does It’s not like he could do anything either…the light was red! Then he drove with road rage. Oh, once, someone swerved his little car and abruptly stopped in front of my beau causing him to slam on the breaks in the cross walk…the the light turned red and he couldn’t move. Then my beau got yelled at, and his truck smacked by Germans crossing the street. Goodness people, get over yourself. Sometimes stuff happens and there is nothing you can do about it. And usually it’s not that serious! Unless someone’s life, eyesight, or limbs are seriously in jeopardy or they are going to score a goal in Fußball, there is never a real reason to yell at them. Well, apparently it’s the sauna, a place for relaxation and tranquility, is not off limits to yelling either.

Fast forward about four months — my beau and I go to an indoor pool. Everyone in the pool area is wearing swimsuits. After a few laps and splashes we decide to check out the “wellness” section which includes saunas, foot soaks, whirlpools, and lounge chairs. The whole floor is ours alone. I go sit in the least hot Sauna wearing my bikini. No more than 15 seconds after I entered the wooden box — the door had not even had a chance to close all the way — and here comes the spa monitor looking like Megan from Bridesmaids in long red shorts and two layers of tee shirts yelling at me in German. Now, in most occasions when I get yelled at in Deutsch I respond by smiling and using my “you’re such a cute little baby” voice while saying things like “I don’t understand you. Do I look like I know what you’re saying,” while shaking my head. This time, instead of my baby voice, I simply respond by maintaining eye contact with her while undressing. Why does she get to yell at me for not being naked in an empty sauna when she’s tromping around in layers galore? Why does it matter if you are naked or not? Why is nakedness not an option? I imagine if this was a movie it might be funny. Someone yells at you in German, you take your clothes off. What if my response to getting yelled at was removing my garments every time? Would that incite more anger? Amusement? Would the yelling stop? What if that became the standard American response to German yelling? Could we condition Germans to stop yelling at us least they see us naked, or would they do it even more? Instead of Americans asking, “Wanna watch me make this German flip the heck out?” then proceed to toss a plastic bottle in the trash, would the Germans then ask each other, “Wollen sie diesen Amerikanerin nanackt sehen?” (Want to see this American naked?) then start speaking to us in a raised voice.

Working with international partners I get the chance to meet a diversity of people doing the same computer work as me. One such event was an international computer geek conference where I met a Finnish Army officer. Saunas are so much apart of Finnish culture that when the Fins deploy into war, they deploy with tactical saunas. And men and women soldiers sit in this tent-like sauna naked together. Once, one of the Finish soliders went to the U.S. to visit his sister who lives in Indiana. He got a similar shock of American Sauna culture. He explained, “There they were, the Americas sitting in a Sauna with their hot, sweaty, wet clothes and I go in naked like you are suppose to and they screamed. There were screamers! And the workers asked me to leave.” He was not welcome to return. Years later he was still upset. I laughed.

One last experience that I must share that still made me shake my head. I was in my private little dressing cabin in a spa putting on my swim suit. When I came out there he was, my beau, smiling ear to ear, naked as a jay bird. I gasp. We had just seen everyone fully dressed in the swimming pools down below. “You are not supposed to be naked,” I hollered a whisper. “Why not,” he whispered back. “No one else is naked,” I said. Seconds later an accented voice came from the cabin next to us, “Excuse me,” she said. “This is a sauna. It is ok to be naked.” She cleared up the situation. Sure enough we turned a corner of the locker room and there was a bare butt naked lady greeting a fully dressed man in a business suit. They smiled shook hands and carried on a lengthy, friendly conversation. In America there would be so much wrong with this scene. She’s naked. He’s not. They’re in a co-ed locker room, laughing and joking and just shooting the breeze. But all the patrons dressed only in flip flops walked right passed them and into the wellness center without concern.

When living abroad it is expected to feel the sting of a cultural sanction at least once in a while. However, there are few cultural shocks so jilting than getting socially sanctioned while in the buff. Our approach to nakedness, health, and family is a paradox salad. America, a nation founded by puritans, has endorsed the Daisy Duke Shorts and bras that push our breast in low cut tops where you can see everything but the color. Yet we can get violently upset if we see another adult completely undressed in a controlled environment with heat climbing over 100 degrees centigrade. In Germany, you’re hard-pressed to see a girl in cut off jeans and ta-tas spewing out walking through the shopping district but plenty of naked bodies are found in every sauna and every beach is at least topless. In America we have laws against being naked in front of children. In Europe, families go to the Sauna together. It’s no big deal for an eight year old girl to be walking around bare butt naked with her daddy and every other middle aged man in a spa. The Germans don’t allow clothing in the sauna due to sanitary reasons as if it’s more sanitary to have someone’s sweaty genitals sitting nude on a wooden bench. It seems that Americans do not allow nudity for sanitary and moral reasons. Usually saunas in America are found in gender segregated locker rooms. In Europe those are hard to find and Finland and Germany families are close enough to be naked and unashamed together. In America the same act is a perversion.

My favorite Spa in Stuttgart, The Dormero, has a fantastic atmosphere.

I must say I enjoy the Sauna experience and it has become a part of my lifestyle while living here in Germany. I think culturally appropriate nudity warrants deeper exploration. We all know that every region of the world has culturally regulated guidelines on what a female can expose, whether it’s her belly button, legs, ankles, cleavage or what have you. But why do two similarly developed western societies have such drastically different attitudes toward nudity in general? And what are the affects? In Germany there are still child molesters, rapist and general perverts. There are still occurrences of eating disorders. I can’t say if there is a difference between frequency rates of any offense or if there is heightened awareness and discovery in either country. Perhaps Germany has a healthier body image understanding that there is no shame associated with your naked form. Maybe I’ll make this a thesis topic at a later date, I certainly have enough field research to get started.

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October 13, 2012

Oktoberfest 101: Prosting With The Best Of Them

Making Sure You Fest Like a German Rock Star

Germans always find a reason to fest. Whether its cows coming home, a change of season, change of day, it’s a cause for celebration. When King Ludwig married Princess Theresa in October 1810, the people of Bavaria partied, and they have been celebrating their anniversary ever since.

I always imagined Oktoberfest to be a wild, crazy, debauchery laden drunk-fest similar to Woodstock or Bonnaroo with a heaping of Mardi gras chaos sprinkled in. But after partaking in the 202 year old tradition, I compare it to something like the state fair…without the cows and pigs. Oktoberfest can be quite the family affair with plenty of sober activities.

I must say, I’m not a beer girl. I’ve tried, but I’m just not. All the great beer snobs of the world talk a great game about German beers and Belgian beers and the loggers and what have you. But honestly, and they’ll cringe when I say this, I haven’t tasted a darn beer in all of Europe that could hold a match to Budlight Lime… or even bud light wheat. There! I said it.

Anyway, here’s my guide to making sure you party like a German rock star in Munich!

Packing

Bring your own hangover medicine ‘cus Advil and Tylenol-like medicines are only sold in Apotheke which are closed on Sundays. Ladies, you must bring our buy a traditional dirndl or lederhosen. Not a polyester/ felt sexy milkmaid costume.They can run you around €200. Because of the price, I want to make sure I get enough wear out of mine so I pretty much wore mine around all of Bavaria during the entire 4-day weekend. Bring your fave American drink. I gave Jim beam as a gift to the Fins and they gave me Mintu. Buying bourbon in Germany is pricy though. You may want casual, traditional American jeans to wear around town during the day. And a bathing suit — sitting in a hotel sauna would be great the morning after.

Logistics

I stayed in the Holiday Inn South. It’s a great hotel with wonderful service. I like to keep my lodging costs around €100 euro so, at about €300 it was a bit pricy. On top of that I reserved a room through hotels.com, a sister site of Expedia.com. I ended up coming a day earlier than my reservation (I mistakenly mistyped my reservation) and because the reservation was an Expedia reservation the hotel couldn’t change it. So I wound up paying for two nights. Had I booked directly with the hotel, changing my Saturday reservation to Friday would have been no problem. I’m sure there were cheaper hotel in Munich. However, this holiday Inn was right around the corner from the U-bahn station and about seven stops away from the fest. Learning the U-bahn system may take some time for Americans who aren’t accustomed to public transportation but the staff at the hotel can direct you to the U-3 to the fest…then follow the mass droves of people dressed like you! Bottom line: Reserve your hotel early! You can use hotel sites to find hotels, but then book directly with the hotel. It provides more flexibility say if your flight was cancelled or missed. Just do a little research.

Drinking

Those of us who live in Germany already know, but for those of you coming from the states, German beer is stronger than American beer and they give you more of it (a liter at a time). Do not cut your night short by drinking quickly. You cannot keep pace with a European. You just can’t so don’t even try. Good rule of thumb is one beer per hour…or less! Also, Make sure you eat! Save your drink to wash down your rotisserie chicken or drink during the “Ein Prosit” song only. Better yet order a Raddler — Bier and sprit mix. You can still party with the crowed and no one will ever know you have less beir.

Make a note, pretty much everything on the menu in the Hippodrom tent costs €10. Eight beers, if you are still standing after that will cost you €80. Don’t go into shock when you get the bill after buying a round for your whole table. Half a chicken and strudel will cost 20 bucks. Be sure to tip the waitress a euro per drink. Doing the traditional American 15% is overboard. It’s a cash only festival so bring plenty of it.

Practice the buddy system. If one man goes down, you all go home. Security is really good at making sure people don’t die so when they see your buddy passed out at your table and you keep on dancing, they’ll send him on his way and you get to go with him. Folks, don’t be the one that makes your whole crew end their night early. Notice, it’s never the German who is passed out. It’s always the newbies to Germany.

Partying

And since we’re talking about cash, you pay for rides in cash. It’s not like America and you go up to a ticket booth a buy a ton of tickets all at once and different rides are worth different amounts of tickets. You pay for the ride at the ride. Good roller coasters can cost you €6.50 a person. Remember that if Oktoberfest is a date for you…and you’re not going Shwabbish (same idea as going Dutch). Note: It is not advisable to ride the spinning swings after consuming a liter.

You’ll want table reservations. You can only reserve a whole table for 10 people and you have to buy beer and food vouchers in advance for 20 – 80€ per person depending on the tent and the time. My Finnish friends and I got prime time table reservations (weekend evening tables) so our reservations were pricy. You’ve got to reserve tables early…we’re talking six months or so in advance.If you don’t make it to your table on time, your €80 per person investment may be up for grabs.

My favorite tents were:
Löwenbräu – has a lion on top
Hofbräu – has a chicken on top. Thousands of internationals inside.
Hippodrom – tacky colors but hip amongst the younger crowd and best bet for singles.

Inside the hippodrom

I also knew one of my friends was suppose to be somewhere in Oktoberfest but she lost her phone and I lost contact wither. I found her, where else, but in the long women’s line for the bathroom. She was without a reservation but she was having a blast chatting with people from all over the world anyway.

Löwenbräu Fest Tent

Hofbräu Tent with International Flare

Make sure you are up on your 80’s rock lyrics. Not just the chores, the whole thing! It’s so awesome to here citizens from all nations belt out the “Na Na Na Na” part of “Hey Jude” or rock out to “Don’t Stop believing” ACDC and every other 80s rock song. It’s the Germans especially who know the words, lyric for lyric to every obscure 80s song. Look up and practice the words to Ein Prosit.

Just remember that the proper response to “Ticki-tocki, ticki-tocki” is “Oi!, Oi!, Oi!”

Dance on the tables until security chases you down.

Don’t let bad weather slow you down. It poured down rain one of the days I was there and people were still Prosting.

You can try to learn food ordering phrases in German before coming but I’m not sure it will help you. These people speak Bavarian…I’m going to liken this language to Louisiana’s Cajun. The Germans say Bavarian German is Germany’s equivalent to Texan English. Being taught Shwabbish German then going to Bavaria I noticed that even though Bavaria and Baden-Württemberg are neighboring states, their dialects of German a worlds apart.

And lastly, for the love of America, Americans, do not get into a fight! I’m not sure why, but anytime a fight breaks out in a tent you can bet your best dirdle push-up bra that it’s either an American or a Brit (Canadians and Australians, and English South Africans included… but most likely a regular ol’ Brit or American).

Last Call
Security doesn’t play. When the band stops playing it’s time to move along. Taxi, walk, or U-bahn yourself to the DISCO (not night club…night clubs are found in the red-light district) or back to your hotel. Notice I didn’t say drive. German Polizi don’t play when it comes to DUIs. The legally drunk limit .05. That’s less than a liter of beer for ladies. In the US, you get a little fine and a tap on the hand. If you’re a drunk driver in Germany prepare to be lined up against the barn in front of the firing squad. And they are more active and effective at catching perpetrators. Do everyone some good and just follow the droves of dirndl and hosen wearers and hop yourself on a train. Oh, and do not try to “barrow” an Oktoberfest mug until the next time you come. Security will get you and you could go to jail. Just buy one. Their like 10 euro.

Food Guide
Hendl Bavarian for Hühnchen or Huhn which is German for chicken
Anything with Schweine is pork. Schweinebraten (roast pork), Schweinshaxe (grilled ham hock), Steckerlfisch (grilled fish on a stick)
Würst- sausages (rot is red, curry is spicy, Käse is cheese, and weiß is white)
Brezel- Pretzel
Knödel -potato or bread dumplings
Spätzle – noodles,
Reiberdatschi (potato pancakes),

Sauerkraut or Rotkohl/Blaukraut

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In Destinations, Europe, Germany on

October 13, 2012

Fesch Fest Fashion

Prost Y’all!

As I strolled through the fest tents at Stuttgart’s Cannstatter Volksfest, looking all cute in my dirndl I overheard two American men discussing modern inventions. One said, “I think the dirndl is the greatest modern invention.” The other responded, “Then next, I’d have to say the car.” When I went to Oktoberfest with my Finnish friends, a usually very polite, sweet Fin says, “This is like the promise land — There’s cleavage everywhere!” It’s a bit ridiculous and entertaining that men on both sides of the Atlantic are openly amazed at cleavage…as if they haven’t seen it often since they were nine years old. My Finnish friend explained, “usually, you see cleavage and it’s an accident and you try not to be obvious when you look but here, the girls just put it out there and its okay to look!”

I have to say, there’s not much difference between German country fashion and American country fashion. You’ve got lederhosen in Germany and Daisy Dukes in America. Square dancing dresses in America look awfully similar to the dirndls of Germany. Americans and Germans have expertly found ways of turning the native attire into something sexy.

I’d traveled from Stuttgart, to Munich, to Mayrhofren, and Innsbruk scoping out the best in traditional Bavarian fashion by the time I made it to Fussen. While trying on a petticoat under my dirndl in a Fussen shop I tried to save a cute Italian girl from making a bad dirndl purchase. But she gave me attitude and said, “It’s possible to wear it this way.” So you’ll probably see her in her pink dirndl that smashes her boobs with her bow in the back signifying she’s a window when her boyfriend is right next to her. I thought maybe I should give a little insight on dirndl Do’s and Don’ts to keep you looking fesch at every fest!

You’re free to submit your suggestions and comments too!

Hayden’s got the right idea!

DO: Rock a cute hat

DON’T: Overloaded with costume accessories.
You don’t have to buy all the jewelry, hats, pretzels, etc at the souvenir shop. As in life, less is more.

DO
Midi-Dirndl — The knees are always covered! Everything else is loops cheap and costumey!

DON’T: Mini-Dirndl
No one needs to see your hoo-ha while you’re on the table dancing to Bon Jovi in the Hippodrom. All Dirndls that stop far above the knees — please resend to your schrunk (closet) or donate to the Rote Kreuz (Red Cross second hand store).

DO: Wear high heels and boots with your Dirndl.
I’ve seen everything from chucks, ballerina flats, and Keds but elegant pumps or peep toes are a perfect match for knee-length dirndl. Make sure they won’t keep you from dancing all night though. I wore my favorite western boots and was complemented all weekend. Sexy tall boots are also a do.

DON’T: Wearing the wrong shoes
Please no sneakers

DO: Nontraditional Accessories
Traditional accessories are a 200 year old standard. But this year trendy, modern accessories like clutches, statement jewelry and high heels set a new standard for Dirndls.

More Dos

Do: Double Aprons
Double Layering your apron is a creative genius idea so long as the aprons are not overly decorated. Sequins and embroidery, yes, but with discretion!

Do: Embrace New Traditions
How you tie your apron bow matters!
Traditionally married women had totally different dirndls than single gals but a new tradition is sweeping Bavaria; How you tie the apron bow on the dirndl indicates your marital status:

Photo: Getty images

If you are engaged or married – tie it on the right side.

If you are young, single, and free – tie it on the left side.

If you are widowed – tie it at the back.

Do: Braids.

I’ve seen the traditional two braids pinned up, the single side braids and the two ponytail braids. Very cute.

Photo: Getty Images

Do: Forgo the dirndl Girls in Lederhosen rock! While a dirndl is a staple, if you already have gotten good use out of your dress, go ahead and splurge on some sexy leather shorts! Save the dirndl for spring fest and try out some hosen this fall!

Do: Wear a colored blouse

I didn’t even know they made these until I saw some very glamorous girls wearing black blouses at Oktoberfest. I purchased my black blouse the next day in Austria and got complemented on my elegance. A black undershirt can transform the same dirndl’s style from casual and fun, to dressy and sophisticated.

DONT’s

No squished boobs here

Fesch Fest Fashion Commandment #1 “Thall shall not squish thy boobs!”

Let’s keep it real, if you weren’t trying to put your ta-tas on display, you’d find a more modest blouse. There are ways to display them elegantly. Take a look at German Advertisements of models in Dirndls; Their boobs are not squished! They sit there nicely as if they were on a shelf. If your dirndl is flattening your voluptuous curves, you need a bigger dress…just tailor in the sides. If you have small boobs and think that if you squish your boobs to the top you are fooling someone into thinking you’re farm raised…you’re not. It’s okay and beautiful to not have big boobs. Just add a necklace to draw attention but do not squeeze what you do have to the top of your blouse in order to create the appearance of cleavage. Women fought for the right not to have restrictive clothing. Do not make the women’s movement be in vain by smooshing your boobs!

Thou Shall Not wear Animal Prints!
“Leopard and zebra patterns have no place near a dirndl!” — direct quote from a Fesch Bavarian girl.

Thou Shall Not Mimic “The Waitress”
Don’t be surprised if someone gives you their drink order when you’re wearing a black dirndl with a white blouse. Waitresses have a monopoly on this look.

Thou Shall Not Be Cheap
Spend € 30 on dirndl from the dirndl man stand on the corner and everyone will know it. You’re better off in a luau shirt. And a costume milkmaid outfit likes about as authentic as a robin wearing peacock feathers. Invest in a decent dirndl. You don’t have to go couture, The C&A Store sales respectable dirndls for € 99… about the same price as Ebay costumes.

Photo: Getty Images

Thou Shall Not be a Coma Boozer
No dirndl is ever hot on an unconscious girl lying in the corner. Nor is it made more sexy when some chick without self control somehow loses her top or skirt. In the translated words of Dirndl Magazine, “Self-control is the alpha and omega!”

Thou Shall Not Wear an Incorrect Apron Length
You should be able to the bottom of the dress below the dirndl.

Thou Shall Not Wear Lingerie Blouses
Apart from the fact that there are only a few exceptions where a dirndl looks good without a shirt, the blouse should complement and not distract the dirndl. Please only wear transparent blouses when the dirndl completely covers your chest! Even strapless blouses are definitely a no-go this year!

Thou Shall Not wear Matching Dirndl
Even if you are twins or bridesmaids or twin bridesmaids, if your best friend is wearing the same Dirndl as you, one of you must make alterations. For example, different style aprons, different color blouse, or corset belts. There are too many possibilities to be dressed just alike.

For a little inspiration, this is what right looks like:

This photo from Dirndl Magazine

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In Destinations, Europe, Germany on

October 5, 2012

A Weekend Of Fests

It’s fall in Germany again.

Ordinarily for me, fall has a sad, foreboding feel to it. To my chagrin, the changing of the leaves are a reminder that warm, long summer days are behind me and the icy winter gloom is setting in. Fall is also the time when Central Europe’s stops their clocks for an hour and two weeks before Central USA making the time difference seven hours instead of only six which creates more challenges when I try to calling back home to my family. It’s football season and I will be thousands of miles from any stadium-side tailgate parties.

But fall in Germany is not met with such dread. Germany greets the change of each season with Festivals and my aim this fest season is to immerse myself in all of them. So for Columbus Day weekend, I stayed close to home and tried out all the traditional festivals going on in my area. The beer is flowing and the cows are coming home. So here my glorious weekend of fests in photos.

Thursday Night: Stuttgart’s Cannstatter Volksfest I kicked the weekend off in by staying in my hometown with friends at Volksfest also called Cannstatter Wasen or just Wasen because that’s the name of the fair grounds which is also where the Spring fest is held each year. So apparently in 1815 a volcanic eruption in Indonesia led to a climatic catastrophe even in Europe causing the people of Stuttgart to stuffer a famine. Thousands died. In 1817, when they were relieved of the famine through Russian support, Katharina, King Wilhelm’s Russian wife, sponsored a harvest festival. This fest takes place annually on the King’s birthday on September, 28th in the area of the Cannstatter Wasen. Sounds very much like a Thanksgiving fest to me.

Embracing Southern Germany style in a dirndl but keeping it Southern USA by rocking the boots.

Mixture of German and American gal pals hanging out during the band’s break between sets.

There’s no chicken like fest chicken and that evaluation is coming from a Kentucky girl whose first bonafide employment was selling chicken at KFC. Yum!

Idaho Beau and I

You know they have those stereotyped-filled saying like “I can drink like a German/Irish” but even Germans have hard times holding their alcohol. And they have the argument that letting folks drink at a younger age will teach them responsible drinking habits. Not sure if that’s true. The guy with the vests consoles his puking buddy while the guy behinds them pretends to hump them.

Cathy just arrive to Stuttgart but already had her dirndl ready to party.

Aw. Idaho Beau won a little bear for me.

The Beau, Stephanie & Me causing trouble.

Contrary to popular American belief, Volksfests are more than just drinking. They actually provide a fun family atmosphere with children’s games as well. It’s comparable to a county fair.

Friday Night: Munich’s Oktoberfest

Oktoberfest began as a celebration of the marriage of Crown Prince Ludwig to Princess Theresa on October 12, 1810. Folks have been celebrating their anniversary ever since. The fair grounds are called Theresienwiese although locals have shortened it to Wiesen, juts like in Stuttgart.

The ride to Munich was a stau (traffic Jam) nightmare! Everyone is on their way to the big Fest.

Made it!

I went up to the upper level of the tent to get a photo of the party from above and was basically adopted/kidnapped by these old Bavarian men. They called me a little Schwabish girl from Stuttgart. They also snorted flavored tobacco up their noses and said all Bavarian men do it. They left their wives at home in the kitchen to have a boys night they told me.

During the day I tested my skills.

Ladies in the Finnish army with their apple strudel. Yum!

Inside the international tent.

This is the flirty, young tent.

My friend Harri from Finland and I getting our grub on before dancing on the tables.

Kartoffeln! AKA Potatos fest style. Simply delish.

Don’t stop believin’! Country Roads take me home —the Europeans know every word!

One drink per hour. Slow and steady does it. People will continue to party around you while you almost die. Then the Polizi will make your friends take you home. You will end the night early for everyone. Do not be that guy!

The next day at the fest poured down rain! It stopped no one.

Everyone just kept the parties in-doors.

Gotta get a fest gingerbread heart.

Munich by the way is a beautiful, fun active city. After the fest, go out on the town for a night on the tiles.

Saturday: Almabtriebfest in Mayrhofen, Austria
From Munich I journeyed about a hour and a half south to a charming little mountain town in Austria. Fests like these go on most of September and into early October in one little alpine village or another. It’s a cattle drive bringing the cows down from grazing in the alps back to their pastures before it gets cold. It’s great Bavarian cultural fun and a nice outdoor outing with family or friends. I blog more about this special Alpine adventure in my post, “Partying til the Cows Come Home.”

It’s quite the sight to see, a parade of cows clanging their giant bells.

In a restaurant in Fussen on the way back to Munich from Mayrhofen. The food was glorious!

All of these pieces of flare were removed from the cows so they could rest after their long trek down from the mountains.

Putin Schnitzel…Schnitzel made from turkey.

This was these calves first fest. I think they did quite well for a first parade.

Only females journey down together.

This cow had to be seriously dehydrated. Another cow came along and she mooed her away from the water. either that or she is just mean and wasn’t really drinking for for 20 minutes straight but was just trying to keep the other cow from having any.

This place was absolutely breath taking. I really just have not other words to describe being in the Alps. I don’t know how Maria had the lungs to sing in the Alps.

Sunday: Ludwigsburg Annual Pumpkin Fest

I never knew so many varieties of pumpkins existed! Over 400! Last year, giant dinosaur sculptures made of pumpkins graced the gardens of Ludwigsburg palace. This year the theme is Switzerland. Like all fests in Germany, it’s not complete without divine food. Pumpkin soup, pumpkin bread, pumpkin seeds… you get the idea. Ludwigsburg also hosted a Venice fest which happens once every two years. Which I missed this year. boo!