October 13, 2012

Fesch Fest Fashion

Prost Y’all!

As I strolled through the fest tents at Stuttgart’s Cannstatter Volksfest, looking all cute in my dirndl I overheard two American men discussing modern inventions. One said, “I think the dirndl is the greatest modern invention.” The other responded, “Then next, I’d have to say the car.” When I went to Oktoberfest with my Finnish friends, a usually very polite, sweet Fin says, “This is like the promise land — There’s cleavage everywhere!” It’s a bit ridiculous and entertaining that men on both sides of the Atlantic are openly amazed at cleavage…as if they haven’t seen it often since they were nine years old. My Finnish friend explained, “usually, you see cleavage and it’s an accident and you try not to be obvious when you look but here, the girls just put it out there and its okay to look!”

I have to say, there’s not much difference between German country fashion and American country fashion. You’ve got lederhosen in Germany and Daisy Dukes in America. Square dancing dresses in America look awfully similar to the dirndls of Germany. Americans and Germans have expertly found ways of turning the native attire into something sexy.

I’d traveled from Stuttgart, to Munich, to Mayrhofren, and Innsbruk scoping out the best in traditional Bavarian fashion by the time I made it to Fussen. While trying on a petticoat under my dirndl in a Fussen shop I tried to save a cute Italian girl from making a bad dirndl purchase. But she gave me attitude and said, “It’s possible to wear it this way.” So you’ll probably see her in her pink dirndl that smashes her boobs with her bow in the back signifying she’s a window when her boyfriend is right next to her. I thought maybe I should give a little insight on dirndl Do’s and Don’ts to keep you looking fesch at every fest!

You’re free to submit your suggestions and comments too!

Hayden’s got the right idea!

DO: Rock a cute hat

DON’T: Overloaded with costume accessories.
You don’t have to buy all the jewelry, hats, pretzels, etc at the souvenir shop. As in life, less is more.

DO
Midi-Dirndl — The knees are always covered! Everything else is loops cheap and costumey!

DON’T: Mini-Dirndl
No one needs to see your hoo-ha while you’re on the table dancing to Bon Jovi in the Hippodrom. All Dirndls that stop far above the knees — please resend to your schrunk (closet) or donate to the Rote Kreuz (Red Cross second hand store).

DO: Wear high heels and boots with your Dirndl.
I’ve seen everything from chucks, ballerina flats, and Keds but elegant pumps or peep toes are a perfect match for knee-length dirndl. Make sure they won’t keep you from dancing all night though. I wore my favorite western boots and was complemented all weekend. Sexy tall boots are also a do.

DON’T: Wearing the wrong shoes
Please no sneakers

DO: Nontraditional Accessories
Traditional accessories are a 200 year old standard. But this year trendy, modern accessories like clutches, statement jewelry and high heels set a new standard for Dirndls.

More Dos

Do: Double Aprons
Double Layering your apron is a creative genius idea so long as the aprons are not overly decorated. Sequins and embroidery, yes, but with discretion!

Do: Embrace New Traditions
How you tie your apron bow matters!
Traditionally married women had totally different dirndls than single gals but a new tradition is sweeping Bavaria; How you tie the apron bow on the dirndl indicates your marital status:

Photo: Getty images

If you are engaged or married – tie it on the right side.

If you are young, single, and free – tie it on the left side.

If you are widowed – tie it at the back.

Do: Braids.

I’ve seen the traditional two braids pinned up, the single side braids and the two ponytail braids. Very cute.

Photo: Getty Images

Do: Forgo the dirndl Girls in Lederhosen rock! While a dirndl is a staple, if you already have gotten good use out of your dress, go ahead and splurge on some sexy leather shorts! Save the dirndl for spring fest and try out some hosen this fall!

Do: Wear a colored blouse

I didn’t even know they made these until I saw some very glamorous girls wearing black blouses at Oktoberfest. I purchased my black blouse the next day in Austria and got complemented on my elegance. A black undershirt can transform the same dirndl’s style from casual and fun, to dressy and sophisticated.

DONT’s

No squished boobs here

Fesch Fest Fashion Commandment #1 “Thall shall not squish thy boobs!”

Let’s keep it real, if you weren’t trying to put your ta-tas on display, you’d find a more modest blouse. There are ways to display them elegantly. Take a look at German Advertisements of models in Dirndls; Their boobs are not squished! They sit there nicely as if they were on a shelf. If your dirndl is flattening your voluptuous curves, you need a bigger dress…just tailor in the sides. If you have small boobs and think that if you squish your boobs to the top you are fooling someone into thinking you’re farm raised…you’re not. It’s okay and beautiful to not have big boobs. Just add a necklace to draw attention but do not squeeze what you do have to the top of your blouse in order to create the appearance of cleavage. Women fought for the right not to have restrictive clothing. Do not make the women’s movement be in vain by smooshing your boobs!

Thou Shall Not wear Animal Prints!
“Leopard and zebra patterns have no place near a dirndl!” — direct quote from a Fesch Bavarian girl.

Thou Shall Not Mimic “The Waitress”
Don’t be surprised if someone gives you their drink order when you’re wearing a black dirndl with a white blouse. Waitresses have a monopoly on this look.

Thou Shall Not Be Cheap
Spend € 30 on dirndl from the dirndl man stand on the corner and everyone will know it. You’re better off in a luau shirt. And a costume milkmaid outfit likes about as authentic as a robin wearing peacock feathers. Invest in a decent dirndl. You don’t have to go couture, The C&A Store sales respectable dirndls for € 99… about the same price as Ebay costumes.

Photo: Getty Images

Thou Shall Not be a Coma Boozer
No dirndl is ever hot on an unconscious girl lying in the corner. Nor is it made more sexy when some chick without self control somehow loses her top or skirt. In the translated words of Dirndl Magazine, “Self-control is the alpha and omega!”

Thou Shall Not Wear an Incorrect Apron Length
You should be able to the bottom of the dress below the dirndl.

Thou Shall Not Wear Lingerie Blouses
Apart from the fact that there are only a few exceptions where a dirndl looks good without a shirt, the blouse should complement and not distract the dirndl. Please only wear transparent blouses when the dirndl completely covers your chest! Even strapless blouses are definitely a no-go this year!

Thou Shall Not wear Matching Dirndl
Even if you are twins or bridesmaids or twin bridesmaids, if your best friend is wearing the same Dirndl as you, one of you must make alterations. For example, different style aprons, different color blouse, or corset belts. There are too many possibilities to be dressed just alike.